1
00:00:29,533 --> 00:00:31,993
Dear Lord...
2
00:00:32,003 --> 00:00:34,793
we pray that we may
win this game today.
3
00:00:34,813 --> 00:00:38,533
We ask that you give us
the strength and the courage...
4
00:00:38,543 --> 00:00:42,473
to win our second straight
state championship.
5
00:00:42,493 --> 00:00:44,573
We ask, Lord, that...
6
00:00:44,593 --> 00:00:47,133
nobody on our side
is seriously injured.
7
00:00:50,053 --> 00:00:53,103
We know in our hearts, Lord...
8
00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:55,143
that we are the best team.
9
00:00:57,803 --> 00:01:00,793
We ask that you allow us
to win this game.
10
00:01:05,973 --> 00:01:08,793
The Lord wants you to put
your foot on their balls...
11
00:01:08,813 --> 00:01:10,493
and believe in it...
12
00:01:10,513 --> 00:01:13,843
because that's
what wins football games.
13
00:01:13,853 --> 00:01:17,703
Not jumping offsides like
a bunch of wimps and faggots.
14
00:01:19,653 --> 00:01:22,233
All right, lift your heads.
Prayer's over. I talked to God.
15
00:01:22,263 --> 00:01:26,653
I'm through talking to God.
Now I'm talking to you.
16
00:01:26,663 --> 00:01:29,013
You're going to be out there
in front of your families...
17
00:01:29,033 --> 00:01:30,613
your student body.
18
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:32,713
Every girl you ever had
a hard-on for...
19
00:01:32,743 --> 00:01:34,923
is gonna be out there today,
but you will not be going...
20
00:01:34,943 --> 00:01:36,483
to no sock hop tonight, boys.
21
00:01:36,503 --> 00:01:39,293
You will not get no honey
on your stinger tonight...
22
00:01:39,303 --> 00:01:42,933
if you don't go out there
and bust your ass.
23
00:01:42,953 --> 00:01:45,993
Because this is it.
24
00:01:46,013 --> 00:01:47,833
This is the big one.
25
00:01:50,413 --> 00:01:52,063
I want you to taste it.
26
00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:55,243
I want you to smell it, son.
27
00:01:59,523 --> 00:02:00,883
There's winners...
28
00:02:00,893 --> 00:02:02,903
and there's nothing else.
29
00:02:02,933 --> 00:02:05,863
I don't give a shit what
those pinkos over in Russia say.
30
00:02:05,873 --> 00:02:09,023
You want to be a loser,
you go live in Russia.
31
00:02:09,033 --> 00:02:12,833
I'm not a loser. I'm a winner.
32
00:02:12,843 --> 00:02:14,263
I'm an American.
33
00:02:14,283 --> 00:02:15,963
Who wants to be John Wayne?
34
00:02:15,983 --> 00:02:19,593
Who wants to go out there
and grab a root and hang on?
35
00:02:19,613 --> 00:02:21,433
Who wants to get a mean-on?
36
00:02:21,443 --> 00:02:23,373
Get a mean-on, son.
37
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:26,433
Let me see
you get a mean-on, son!
38
00:02:26,453 --> 00:02:29,313
Now, who wants it?
I want to know! Who wants this?
39
00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:30,473
Who wants to get
a mean-on right now?
40
00:02:31,623 --> 00:02:34,023
-Who wants it?
-I want it!
41
00:03:05,563 --> 00:03:06,913
Good job, man!
42
00:03:06,933 --> 00:03:11,653
The pride of Ashcroft High,
Johnny Walker!
43
00:03:11,663 --> 00:03:13,023
Hut!
44
00:03:19,443 --> 00:03:21,483
By God,
we're playing football now!
45
00:03:21,503 --> 00:03:22,493
Yes, sir!
46
00:03:22,513 --> 00:03:24,733
Coach? It's the last game
of the season.
47
00:03:24,753 --> 00:03:27,293
Do you think I could maybe
get in for a couple of minutes?
48
00:03:27,313 --> 00:03:30,673
-You want to play?
-Yes. Please.
49
00:03:30,683 --> 00:03:32,033
No, you don't.
50
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,913
Hut! Hut!
51
00:03:50,803 --> 00:03:53,963
Walker's fortieth T.D. pass
this season!
52
00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:56,523
A new state record!
53
00:03:56,543 --> 00:03:59,803
Wide! Wide set!
54
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:11,803
Gash, give him
the punt sign, will ya?
55
00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:20,053
Walker! Kick the ball! Kick it!
56
00:04:20,063 --> 00:04:21,073
Hut!
57
00:04:34,523 --> 00:04:36,443
Another record for Walker!
58
00:04:36,453 --> 00:04:37,993
-Did you see that?
-Look at that!
59
00:04:38,023 --> 00:04:40,343
Five-second hang time?
60
00:04:46,693 --> 00:04:47,703
Pardon you.
61
00:04:50,933 --> 00:04:53,863
With that completion
to Michael Bentley...
62
00:04:53,873 --> 00:04:57,123
Walker has just set
a national high school record!
63
00:04:57,143 --> 00:05:01,423
1:35, Gibson's out of his car
and into the stadium.
64
00:05:04,113 --> 00:05:07,593
Excuse me. Shove over,
would you, please? Thanks.
65
00:05:07,613 --> 00:05:10,263
Coach...
66
00:05:10,283 --> 00:05:12,363
that offer still stands.
67
00:05:12,393 --> 00:05:14,283
My answer's still no.
68
00:05:14,293 --> 00:05:16,283
You wait for us
for the signals!
69
00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:18,213
We're calling
the plays here, Walker!
70
00:05:18,223 --> 00:05:21,443
I think the score is 52-0.
71
00:05:21,463 --> 00:05:23,463
What can we do
to get Gash in the game?
72
00:05:23,473 --> 00:05:25,853
I got it.
Let's lose five. Break!
73
00:05:25,873 --> 00:05:27,153
Break!
74
00:05:29,133 --> 00:05:30,853
Push it in!
I want another score!
75
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,983
Let's go! Let's go!
76
00:05:36,043 --> 00:05:38,033
Hut! Hut!
77
00:05:38,043 --> 00:05:40,293
I'm going down.
Oh, it's the leg. I'm down.
78
00:05:41,313 --> 00:05:43,643
What's he doing?
What's Walker doing?
79
00:05:43,653 --> 00:05:46,303
I think I broke my dick!
80
00:05:47,593 --> 00:05:49,843
Oh, no, not his George.
81
00:05:49,853 --> 00:05:52,343
Walker's out.
Gash! Gash! Get me Gash!
82
00:05:52,363 --> 00:05:53,443
Right here. What's up?
83
00:05:53,463 --> 00:05:55,513
Get in the game, Gash!
Put it in the end zone.
84
00:05:55,533 --> 00:05:56,683
My first time!
85
00:05:56,703 --> 00:05:58,843
-What's the matter, son?
-I broke my dick, Coach.
86
00:05:58,863 --> 00:06:00,783
Rub some dirt on it
and get back in there.
87
00:06:00,803 --> 00:06:02,223
It's broken, I'm telling you.
88
00:06:02,243 --> 00:06:04,193
You go left.
89
00:06:04,213 --> 00:06:05,753
You go right. I'll run.
90
00:06:05,773 --> 00:06:06,783
Break!
91
00:06:10,513 --> 00:06:11,523
Hut!
92
00:06:15,183 --> 00:06:18,073
Oh, Gash! Gash!
93
00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:20,503
Throw your navel
in the ground, will ya?
94
00:06:20,523 --> 00:06:22,873
-Hey, Juicy.
-Hey, Johnny.
95
00:06:22,893 --> 00:06:24,683
Would you mind taking off
your underpants real quick...
96
00:06:24,693 --> 00:06:25,983
and go stand over there?
97
00:06:25,993 --> 00:06:28,353
-Sure. Anything for you.
-Thank you.
98
00:06:30,593 --> 00:06:34,653
2:35, cheerleader taking
her yellow panties off.
99
00:06:34,673 --> 00:06:36,253
Thank you. Over and out.
100
00:06:38,043 --> 00:06:41,523
Hey, guys, Juicy Dorfman
isn't wearing any underpants.
101
00:06:46,253 --> 00:06:48,243
SQ?
102
00:06:48,253 --> 00:06:51,243
Left, 46, on the first sound.
103
00:06:51,253 --> 00:06:52,233
Ready?
104
00:06:52,263 --> 00:06:53,243
Break!
105
00:06:53,263 --> 00:06:54,273
Break!
106
00:06:59,963 --> 00:07:01,713
Oh, I see.
107
00:07:01,723 --> 00:07:03,423
That girl's not wearing
any underwear.
108
00:07:03,433 --> 00:07:04,613
What?
109
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,623
-Which one?
-Hey, check it out!
110
00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:08,253
Hut!
111
00:07:13,483 --> 00:07:15,693
Hob; mob!‘-!
112
00:07:15,713 --> 00:07:17,063
Oh, wrong.
113
00:07:24,123 --> 00:07:25,903
I see the hole!
I see the hole!
114
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,813
I see--yeah!
115
00:07:38,003 --> 00:07:40,513
Ashcroft High has just won...
116
00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:44,023
their second consecutive
state football championship!
117
00:07:44,043 --> 00:07:46,863
Congratulations
to coach Wayne Hisler...
118
00:07:46,873 --> 00:07:50,463
and especially to everyone's
high school all-American...
119
00:07:50,473 --> 00:07:52,483
Johnny Walker!
120
00:08:15,803 --> 00:08:17,093
Hello?
121
00:08:17,103 --> 00:08:19,753
Hey, Johnny.
Glad I could get to you.
122
00:08:19,773 --> 00:08:21,123
This is Howard Case“.
123
00:08:21,143 --> 00:08:23,903
You were just tremendous
out there today.
124
00:08:23,913 --> 00:08:26,663
I've never seen
a better performance...
125
00:08:26,683 --> 00:08:27,933
at the high school level.
126
00:08:27,953 --> 00:08:31,463
You should go
to an Ivy League school...
127
00:08:31,483 --> 00:08:35,613
by the name of Yale University,
in my opinion, young man.
128
00:08:35,623 --> 00:08:37,873
Have you thought
about such a thing?
129
00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,883
Is this really you, Howard?
Howard?
130
00:08:39,893 --> 00:08:43,003
-Who is this?
-This is Howard Cosell.
131
00:08:43,033 --> 00:08:46,023
Does anybody in America
like you? Huh?
132
00:08:49,373 --> 00:08:52,453
Coach, I'm sorry.
133
00:08:52,483 --> 00:08:54,593
My boys, my boys, all right.
134
00:08:54,613 --> 00:08:56,263
That's worth a victory, huh?
135
00:08:56,283 --> 00:08:58,773
That's worth a victory.
136
00:09:01,913 --> 00:09:03,673
Johnny, listen to me, man.
137
00:09:03,693 --> 00:09:05,803
Sign with me,
I will make you a star.
138
00:09:05,823 --> 00:09:07,173
Ignore all these
other guys, man.
139
00:09:07,193 --> 00:09:09,003
They're a bunch
of athletic pimps.
140
00:09:09,023 --> 00:09:11,243
Trust me--athletic pimps.
Look at the way they dress.
141
00:09:11,253 --> 00:09:13,183
Write your own ticket!
I'll give you anything you want.
142
00:09:13,203 --> 00:09:15,283
Spring break, huh? Puerto Rico!
143
00:09:15,303 --> 00:09:17,653
Just tell me what you want,
and I'll get you two of them.
144
00:09:17,663 --> 00:09:19,213
What do you like?
You like girls?
145
00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:22,383
-I like your head.
-You got it! What else?
146
00:09:22,413 --> 00:09:24,123
Ice cream? Cultural pursuits?
147
00:09:24,143 --> 00:09:28,223
Johnny, I can offer you
TV coverage.
148
00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:30,853
I can offer you TV
every single Saturday.
149
00:09:30,873 --> 00:09:32,863
You don't need him.
150
00:09:32,883 --> 00:09:35,073
I got what you want.
I got what you need.
151
00:09:35,083 --> 00:09:37,803
We'll keep running
that style of offense, boy.
152
00:09:37,823 --> 00:09:39,833
You're gonna start right away!
Right away, you hear?
153
00:09:39,853 --> 00:09:41,803
That's what you want to do--
play football, right, boy?
154
00:09:51,293 --> 00:09:54,733
Smurfs. Smurfs. Smurf patrol.
155
00:09:54,743 --> 00:09:57,253
Hi. Thank you.
156
00:09:57,273 --> 00:09:58,993
Watch my feet. Watch the toes.
157
00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:00,583
OK. Don't I know your mom?
158
00:10:00,603 --> 00:10:02,423
What's it like being king
of the 12-year-olds?
159
00:10:02,453 --> 00:10:04,463
Georgia! What?
160
00:10:04,483 --> 00:10:05,873
Say that again?
161
00:10:05,883 --> 00:10:08,533
What's it like being king
of the 12-year-olds?
162
00:10:08,553 --> 00:10:09,933
Let me tell you something.
These girls are gonna be...
163
00:10:09,953 --> 00:10:11,733
beautiful grown women
in about two minutes.
164
00:10:11,753 --> 00:10:14,143
-You shouldn't really say that.
-Freeze!
165
00:10:14,163 --> 00:10:16,343
Move away from my daughter,
Walker!
166
00:10:16,363 --> 00:10:17,843
Don't tell me
he's still pissed off...
167
00:10:17,863 --> 00:10:19,743
'cause I brought you home
a day late?
168
00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:21,843
Don't tell me that.
Is that what happened?
169
00:10:21,863 --> 00:10:24,323
No.
170
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:25,323
Johnny..
171
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,823
What? What was it?
172
00:10:26,833 --> 00:10:28,483
It was the hickeys.
173
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,453
You can't really
cover those up at all.
174
00:10:32,543 --> 00:10:34,863
-What?
-Let's give him one.
175
00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:41,573
Get your mouth off her, Walker!
176
00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:43,343
Let's go, Georgia!
177
00:10:43,353 --> 00:10:44,363
"Ow!
178
00:10:48,723 --> 00:10:50,643
I'll see you later.
179
00:10:50,653 --> 00:10:51,643
Very good.
180
00:10:51,653 --> 00:10:52,943
Do you love me?
181
00:10:55,303 --> 00:10:57,293
Thank you.
182
00:10:57,303 --> 00:10:59,113
I can't say anything
but thank you.
183
00:11:00,533 --> 00:11:03,433
-Over here, boy!
-Johnny!
184
00:11:03,443 --> 00:11:05,453
You could be going
to the Super Bowl!
185
00:11:09,673 --> 00:11:11,293
Excuse me. Excuse me.
186
00:11:11,313 --> 00:11:14,743
I'm sorry. I can't talk now.
I have to go. Watch the jacket.
187
00:11:14,753 --> 00:11:16,143
We'll talk later. OK.
188
00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:17,693
Wrong!
189
00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:20,503
Less with the lies,
more with the broads!
190
00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:24,543
Back off!
191
00:11:24,563 --> 00:11:26,013
Bye now!
192
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,483
Thank you.
Thanks a lot, recruiters!
193
00:11:28,493 --> 00:11:30,413
You think those recruiters
would all want you as much...
194
00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:33,823
if they knew you were
afraid of the dark?
195
00:11:33,843 --> 00:11:35,223
I'm not afraid of the dark.
196
00:11:35,243 --> 00:11:37,093
It's OK. I'm not gonna
spill the beans...
197
00:11:37,103 --> 00:11:38,723
that you sleep
with a night-light.
198
00:11:40,243 --> 00:11:41,593
I don't need a night-light.
199
00:11:41,603 --> 00:11:45,543
Come on. Yes, you do. It's OK.
You're a punk. Accept it.
200
00:11:45,553 --> 00:11:47,803
All right, I accept it.
201
00:11:47,813 --> 00:11:49,773
So what?!
202
00:11:49,783 --> 00:11:51,033
SQ?
203
00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,073
OK, hit me again.
204
00:11:56,363 --> 00:11:57,403
Right here.
205
00:12:01,293 --> 00:12:03,193
I feel good now.
206
00:12:03,203 --> 00:12:06,453
Leo, it's time you and me
moved on to big-time, pal.
207
00:12:06,473 --> 00:12:08,323
-The big-time scholarships...
-UCC.
208
00:12:08,333 --> 00:12:12,153
-Big-time contacts, big deals.
-UCC is the place for you.
209
00:12:12,183 --> 00:12:14,173
Hey, did I ever tell you
about Coach Hisler's wife?
210
00:12:14,183 --> 00:12:17,133
-No. UCC.
-She has a set of chihuahuas...
211
00:12:17,313 --> 00:12:20,303
There's someone sneakin‘
212
00:12:20,313 --> 00:12:23,333
Round the corner
213
00:12:23,353 --> 00:12:25,813
Could that someone
214
00:12:25,823 --> 00:12:29,073
Be Mack the Knife?
215
00:12:29,093 --> 00:12:31,843
There's a tugboat
216
00:12:31,853 --> 00:12:34,513
Down by the river,
don't you know?
217
00:12:34,533 --> 00:12:37,823
Well, the cement there
218
00:12:37,833 --> 00:12:40,653
Just a-drooping on down
219
00:12:40,663 --> 00:12:42,353
You're getting
really good, Wayne.
220
00:12:42,373 --> 00:12:44,563
I just love your singing.
221
00:12:44,573 --> 00:12:45,753
Thank you, baby.
222
00:12:45,773 --> 00:12:48,323
You know, I was reading
at the market today...
223
00:12:48,343 --> 00:12:50,793
that we all come
from another world...
224
00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:54,403
and we choose in that world who
we want to be in this world...
225
00:12:54,423 --> 00:12:58,903
and we're all connected
by a common cosmic thread.
226
00:12:58,923 --> 00:13:00,463
That's right, honey.
That's true.
227
00:13:00,483 --> 00:13:01,843
What time you going to work?
228
00:13:01,863 --> 00:13:04,473
After I make dinner for you
and clean up.
229
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:08,923
Do you realize that we're living
nine lives simultaneously?
230
00:13:08,933 --> 00:13:10,113
Of course.
231
00:13:11,963 --> 00:13:13,753
-Listen, sweetcake?
-Yes?
232
00:13:13,773 --> 00:13:15,783
On your way back from work,
would you pick up...
233
00:13:15,803 --> 00:13:17,263
my yellow suit
from the cleaners?
234
00:13:17,273 --> 00:13:20,423
OK. No problem.
It's near that bakery...
235
00:13:20,443 --> 00:13:24,903
that bakes that black
mundle bread you love so much.
236
00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:37,813
Hello. Coach Hisler's house?
237
00:13:37,823 --> 00:13:39,313
Is he in?
238
00:13:39,323 --> 00:13:41,073
I think so.
239
00:13:41,093 --> 00:13:42,173
May I?
240
00:13:42,203 --> 00:13:45,713
Oh, sure. Just follow
the sound of the music.
241
00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:47,023
Thank you.
242
00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:48,353
Whoo, look out
243
00:13:48,373 --> 00:13:49,793
Oh, Miss Lottie Lenya
244
00:13:49,803 --> 00:13:54,363
And old Lucy Brown
245
00:13:54,383 --> 00:13:58,633
Chancellor, how are you?
Good to see you again, sir.
246
00:13:58,643 --> 00:14:00,463
How about that game today, huh?
247
00:14:00,483 --> 00:14:02,403
Nice. Walker was everything
you said he was.
248
00:14:02,423 --> 00:14:03,433
Yes.
249
00:14:03,453 --> 00:14:05,703
What do I do to get him
to go to Piermont?
250
00:14:05,723 --> 00:14:07,903
I just want you to sit down
and relax. Enjoy my home.
251
00:14:07,923 --> 00:14:10,143
You're going to have dinner
with us, aren't you?
252
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:14,713
I don't think we have enough
salmon patties, Wayne.
253
00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:16,553
What the hey?
254
00:14:16,563 --> 00:14:19,453
Break out
the fish sticks, honey.
255
00:14:19,463 --> 00:14:20,583
Oh, OK.
256
00:14:20,603 --> 00:14:24,363
Darling. Some of that
sparkling fruit wine.
257
00:14:26,143 --> 00:14:28,493
Have a seat, please,
Chancellor.
258
00:14:28,513 --> 00:14:30,723
Look, Coach, I didn't get
to become president...
259
00:14:30,743 --> 00:14:33,673
of Piermont University
by mincing words.
260
00:14:33,683 --> 00:14:35,803
My backers
are getting impatient.
261
00:14:35,823 --> 00:14:37,703
They want success this year.
262
00:14:37,723 --> 00:14:40,763
They want to win.
I want Walker.
263
00:14:40,783 --> 00:14:43,443
I'm the key to Walker,
obviously.
264
00:14:43,463 --> 00:14:45,073
Obviously you are.
265
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:48,523
What is it you want?
Name your price.
266
00:14:48,533 --> 00:14:51,983
I want to be the new head coach
at Piermont University.
267
00:14:51,993 --> 00:14:53,003
Is that all?
268
00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:55,053
No. I want a five-year
no-cut contract...
269
00:14:55,073 --> 00:14:56,463
weekly television show...
270
00:14:56,473 --> 00:14:59,193
membership in the country club,
et cetera. All the usual perks.
271
00:14:59,203 --> 00:15:02,633
The main thing is that Walker
is going to go...
272
00:15:02,653 --> 00:15:05,803
where I tell him to go,
or he's not going anywhere.
273
00:15:05,813 --> 00:15:07,103
That's a fact.
274
00:15:07,113 --> 00:15:09,863
You can guarantee that?
275
00:15:09,883 --> 00:15:11,733
The kid loves me.
276
00:15:11,753 --> 00:15:14,013
You know, it's--.
277
00:15:14,023 --> 00:15:16,313
I'm like a father to him.
Really.
278
00:15:16,323 --> 00:15:18,973
Hisler's such an asshole.
279
00:15:20,363 --> 00:15:25,323
Johnny, I've been having all
these twisted visions lately.
280
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,223
So lay one on me.
281
00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:30,353
Well, I was thinking
about developing...
282
00:15:30,373 --> 00:15:33,083
a deep personal relationship
with a psychiatrist.
283
00:15:33,113 --> 00:15:34,833
You know, very tight.
284
00:15:34,843 --> 00:15:36,853
And then one day, just while
he's complimenting me...
285
00:15:36,883 --> 00:15:38,923
on all the headway
progress I'm making...
286
00:15:38,943 --> 00:15:41,733
in the area of my obsessive
fear of torque wrenches...
287
00:15:41,743 --> 00:15:45,843
just cut him off mid-sentence
and say, "Hey, oops!
288
00:15:45,853 --> 00:15:49,403
"Why am I angry at you today?"
He gets all Germanic on me...
289
00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:51,973
and goes, "Well,
I think that it stems--"
290
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:54,713
It stems from nothing.
That's a trick question.
291
00:15:54,733 --> 00:15:57,583
I take his Ph.D. off the wall
and beat him...
292
00:15:57,603 --> 00:15:59,853
about the head and shoulders
with it for about an hour...
293
00:15:59,863 --> 00:16:02,283
and then I whisper
softly in his ear...
294
00:16:02,313 --> 00:16:05,693
"I'd like to pay for my next
twenty visits in advance."
295
00:16:22,463 --> 00:16:25,143
Johnny, be all you can be.
296
00:16:25,163 --> 00:16:28,483
-For $81.50 a month after taxes?
-Exactly.
297
00:16:28,493 --> 00:16:30,243
No, I don't think so.
Thank you, though.
298
00:16:30,263 --> 00:16:32,443
-Notre Dame, my son.
-Father, how you doing?
299
00:16:32,473 --> 00:16:34,223
Aren't you gonna be late
for a mass or something?
300
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,623
Oh, you're right. I'm sorry.
301
00:16:35,643 --> 00:16:37,993
Alabama is football.
Alabama's where you should be!
302
00:16:38,003 --> 00:16:40,013
Penn State is always
in the top ten.
303
00:16:40,043 --> 00:16:41,753
We kicked Alabama's butt
last year.
304
00:16:41,773 --> 00:16:44,203
That was one game.
It's freezing in Penn State.
305
00:16:44,213 --> 00:16:45,363
It's a normal climate.
306
00:16:45,383 --> 00:16:47,633
Normal? Normal if you're
a seal or an eskimo.
307
00:16:47,653 --> 00:16:49,363
It's good to see
the seasons change!
308
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,493
It's good to see
the seasons change!
309
00:16:55,423 --> 00:16:56,883
Leo, Leo.
310
00:16:56,893 --> 00:16:59,853
My school has a buddy system.
If Johnny goes there...
311
00:16:59,863 --> 00:17:02,113
all of his buddies get
to go there, too, first class.
312
00:17:02,123 --> 00:17:04,143
Boy buddies, girl buddies,
everybody.
313
00:17:04,173 --> 00:17:05,783
I'm ready for college...
314
00:17:05,803 --> 00:17:07,153
and corruption.
315
00:17:07,173 --> 00:17:08,623
My school doesn't do that, Leo.
316
00:17:08,633 --> 00:17:10,783
It just exists
in your imagination.
317
00:17:10,803 --> 00:17:12,723
Well, I have
a grand imagination.
318
00:17:13,713 --> 00:17:15,203
How about ten grand?
319
00:17:23,253 --> 00:17:24,573
Leo, more chicken?
320
00:17:24,593 --> 00:17:26,843
I'll just get the rest
to go, please.
321
00:17:26,853 --> 00:17:27,933
Right.
322
00:17:27,953 --> 00:17:30,373
Anything, Johnny, anything!
323
00:17:30,393 --> 00:17:31,773
I love you!
324
00:17:31,793 --> 00:17:33,513
Let's set a time!
325
00:17:33,533 --> 00:17:36,183
I'm free tonight!
326
00:17:38,303 --> 00:17:41,083
I can't believe the bald guy
is still here.
327
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:42,553
It's crazy out there.
328
00:17:42,573 --> 00:17:46,333
Well, it's crazy in here, too,
but I like it.
329
00:17:46,343 --> 00:17:48,953
My lures are selling
like hotcakes.
330
00:17:48,973 --> 00:17:51,493
They especially like
my walleyed gibbler.
331
00:17:51,513 --> 00:17:54,273
- This is exciting.
-It's original, huh?
332
00:17:54,483 --> 00:17:56,533
Oh, honey, I'm proud of you.
I really am.
333
00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:58,503
You've worked hard for this
for a long time.
334
00:17:58,523 --> 00:17:59,703
Thank you, Mom.
335
00:17:59,723 --> 00:18:01,903
You know I couldn't have
done it without you.
336
00:18:01,933 --> 00:18:02,963
Yeah.
337
00:18:02,993 --> 00:18:05,043
I'm glad you know it,
'cause it's true.
338
00:18:05,063 --> 00:18:07,343
I swear one day very soon
I'm gonna work hard enough...
339
00:18:07,363 --> 00:18:09,283
that you're not gonna
have to work again, Mom.
340
00:18:09,293 --> 00:18:11,303
I don't mind working, Johnny.
341
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:14,763
It's a decent way
to make a living.
342
00:18:14,773 --> 00:18:17,553
Well, I know you don't mind.
That's why I do.
343
00:18:17,573 --> 00:18:19,623
Where's Georgia today?
344
00:18:19,643 --> 00:18:21,423
Yeah. Where is she?
345
00:18:21,443 --> 00:18:23,303
She's grounded.
346
00:18:23,313 --> 00:18:26,303
-Why?
-For knowing me.
347
00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:28,563
Yes. I can understand that.
348
00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:31,973
Popping off, Ma, huh?
349
00:18:31,983 --> 00:18:33,443
You ready for a little
pea in the head, Ma?
350
00:18:33,463 --> 00:18:35,743
Will you stop?
No, wait. Now, don't.
351
00:18:35,763 --> 00:18:37,943
You want another one?
Here it is. Whoa.
352
00:18:37,963 --> 00:18:39,313
All right. You stop.
353
00:18:41,763 --> 00:18:45,313
All right, that's it.
No dessert. What can I do?
354
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,653
So, Ray, what did you think
of the game?
355
00:18:47,673 --> 00:18:50,783
You looked goofy.
356
00:18:50,803 --> 00:18:51,953
I looked what?
357
00:18:51,983 --> 00:18:53,183
Goofy.
358
00:18:53,213 --> 00:18:55,493
You didn't look in the mirror
today. You know why?
359
00:18:55,513 --> 00:18:57,503
'Cause you don't have any teeth.
When you get some front teeth...
360
00:18:57,513 --> 00:18:59,003
then you can tell me
how goofy I look.
361
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:02,843
Until that moment comes along,
you can't say anything, OK?
362
00:19:02,853 --> 00:19:05,243
-OK? Do you hear me?
-Yes!
363
00:19:05,253 --> 00:19:07,043
-Say, "| hear you, Johnny."
-I hear you, Johnny!
364
00:19:07,053 --> 00:19:09,803
-Say, "| hear you, big brother."
-I hear you, big brother!
365
00:19:09,823 --> 00:19:13,623
-Say, "You are my man."
-You are my man.
366
00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,383
No. She just ate. Now...
367
00:19:15,403 --> 00:19:16,683
But much more importantly...
368
00:19:16,703 --> 00:19:18,343
what about Leo's
first touchdown ever?
369
00:19:18,363 --> 00:19:19,613
You looked good today.
370
00:19:19,633 --> 00:19:22,183
Thank you. Once I got the right
direction going, right?
371
00:19:22,213 --> 00:19:25,893
Why don't you ever eat
at your house, Leo?
372
00:19:25,913 --> 00:19:27,193
Why?
373
00:19:27,213 --> 00:19:30,663
Well, I think it's basically
because my parents hate me...
374
00:19:30,673 --> 00:19:32,923
and they have accused me
of carrying...
375
00:19:32,953 --> 00:19:35,943
an ammonia-filled tentacle
around with me...
376
00:19:35,953 --> 00:19:38,033
which, of course, I do not!
377
00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:40,803
What is this, the funny farm?
378
00:19:42,083 --> 00:19:45,023
I can understand
why they hate you.
379
00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:47,883
Johnny, my boy, you know.
380
00:19:47,893 --> 00:19:50,823
Listen. You've got to get
organized, you know?
381
00:19:50,833 --> 00:19:52,823
Now, you've had calls
from Michigan...
382
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:56,093
UCC, Piermont and Ol' Tex...
383
00:19:56,103 --> 00:19:59,753
LSU and Kansas and Cornell.
384
00:19:59,773 --> 00:20:02,553
What do you think, Mom?
Do I call these people back?
385
00:20:02,583 --> 00:20:07,263
Well, superstar, you can start
by clearing the table...
386
00:20:07,283 --> 00:20:09,363
and helping me with the dishes.
387
00:20:10,553 --> 00:20:12,063
Nice little reality break
from Mom there, huh?
388
00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:14,083
- Isn't that nice?
- Well, you're home now, son.
389
00:20:14,093 --> 00:20:15,083
Thank you, Gramp.
390
00:20:15,093 --> 00:20:18,053
This doesn't have a hook on it.
391
00:20:18,063 --> 00:20:19,173
And you are in trouble.
392
00:20:19,193 --> 00:20:20,843
You couldn't catch
a single monkfish...
393
00:20:20,863 --> 00:20:21,903
if you had to.
394
00:20:21,933 --> 00:20:24,753
-See you later.
-That a boy.
395
00:20:24,773 --> 00:20:26,223
A fish.
396
00:21:32,303 --> 00:21:33,883
Your family's really nice.
397
00:21:33,903 --> 00:21:36,193
Your mom's a terrible cook.
398
00:21:37,803 --> 00:21:38,983
Thank you.
399
00:21:39,003 --> 00:21:41,083
-Where are we going now?
-Georgia's.
400
00:21:41,103 --> 00:21:43,433
Really? I thought
she was grounded.
401
00:21:43,453 --> 00:21:45,033
I'm ungrounding her.
402
00:21:55,623 --> 00:21:56,843
Freeze, boy!
403
00:22:00,463 --> 00:22:03,583
I see.
It's gotta be a Rottweiler.
404
00:22:03,603 --> 00:22:07,023
There's no mistaking this.
That's no chihuahua.
405
00:22:09,633 --> 00:22:12,853
I thought her parents hated you.
It must be embarrassing.
406
00:22:12,883 --> 00:22:14,363
Yeah, well, she digs me.
407
00:22:14,383 --> 00:22:16,493
Her father is the one
who I have problems with.
408
00:22:16,513 --> 00:22:17,833
She'll come around.
409
00:22:20,143 --> 00:22:22,363
Mrs. Elkans, good evening.
410
00:22:22,393 --> 00:22:24,343
Is Georgia home?
411
00:22:24,353 --> 00:22:29,213
Yes...and that's where
she's going to stay.
412
00:22:31,293 --> 00:22:33,583
I just felt the love beam.
413
00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:35,113
She loves me.
414
00:22:43,413 --> 00:22:45,363
Freeze, dirtbags!
415
00:22:45,373 --> 00:22:48,763
I don't want you sniffing
around my daughter, Walker.
416
00:22:48,773 --> 00:22:49,893
What's shaking, Chief?
417
00:22:49,913 --> 00:22:52,333
Chief, how the hell was patrol?
418
00:22:52,353 --> 00:22:54,343
You're in big trouble, Walker.
419
00:22:54,353 --> 00:22:57,103
Chief, you can't keep me
away from your daughter.
420
00:22:57,123 --> 00:22:59,703
I'm gonna keep you away
from her forever.
421
00:22:59,723 --> 00:23:01,173
How you gonna do that, Chief?
422
00:23:01,183 --> 00:23:03,813
We're gonna settle this thing
once and for all.
423
00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:06,283
I can't just beat the shit
out of you...
424
00:23:06,293 --> 00:23:08,373
so we're gonna have us
a little game of football...
425
00:23:08,393 --> 00:23:09,853
and I'm gonna hurt you.
426
00:23:09,863 --> 00:23:12,583
I'm gonna play
with these two men right here.
427
00:23:12,603 --> 00:23:13,893
These men right here?
428
00:23:13,903 --> 00:23:16,693
OK, hold on. Let me get
a head count for a second.
429
00:23:16,703 --> 00:23:18,523
You got one, two,
three, four.
430
00:23:18,543 --> 00:23:21,253
That's a little unfair,
isn't it?
431
00:23:21,273 --> 00:23:23,393
Well, then you can play
with the big cheese.
432
00:23:23,413 --> 00:23:25,563
Oh, now I like it.
Chief, one last thing.
433
00:23:25,583 --> 00:23:29,063
Once we kick your butt,
Georgia's mine.
434
00:23:29,083 --> 00:23:31,003
Well, then,
just to make it fair...
435
00:23:31,013 --> 00:23:34,573
you're gonna get to play
with one hand behind your back.
436
00:23:34,593 --> 00:23:36,103
Isn't that cute?
437
00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:38,513
Chief, you don't play
with one hand, do you?
438
00:23:42,003 --> 00:23:43,953
Let's bless the ball.
439
00:23:43,973 --> 00:23:47,083
A little pooper
for the Troopers.
440
00:23:58,343 --> 00:24:00,833
Rotten little piss-ants.
441
00:24:01,983 --> 00:24:03,303
Go, John!
442
00:24:06,493 --> 00:24:09,743
Cheerleaders? Cheerleaders?
443
00:24:09,753 --> 00:24:10,903
Run!
444
00:24:12,203 --> 00:24:13,513
I got it, I got it.
445
00:24:13,533 --> 00:24:14,923
Luther!
446
00:24:43,163 --> 00:24:44,773
Can I see some I.D., please?
447
00:24:49,963 --> 00:24:52,213
Nice catch, Cooper.
448
00:24:55,073 --> 00:24:57,823
Yay, Troopers!
449
00:24:57,843 --> 00:25:00,163
Get 'em out of here.
450
00:25:00,173 --> 00:25:02,063
Oh, my God.
451
00:25:02,083 --> 00:25:03,093
Hut!
452
00:25:05,853 --> 00:25:07,993
Hey, fat man, get out of here.
453
00:25:08,013 --> 00:25:09,563
I'm out of here.
454
00:25:16,523 --> 00:25:19,273
Look at him go.
Look at the chief.
455
00:25:19,293 --> 00:25:20,683
Wait a second.
456
00:25:20,693 --> 00:25:22,373
That's a $20 ball.
That's a game ball.
457
00:25:22,403 --> 00:25:24,413
Let's get him.
458
00:25:33,083 --> 00:25:36,933
It started last weekend
459
00:25:36,943 --> 00:25:39,663
At the Yale-Harvard game
460
00:25:39,683 --> 00:25:43,273
10:38. This movie is shit.
461
00:25:43,293 --> 00:25:47,333
Girl, I saw your beaver flash
462
00:25:47,353 --> 00:25:52,213
I'll never be the same
463
00:25:52,233 --> 00:25:55,783
Oh, no
464
00:25:58,763 --> 00:26:04,033
You gave me a soul kiss
465
00:26:04,043 --> 00:26:08,333
Oh, it sure was grand
466
00:26:08,343 --> 00:26:11,693
Johnny,
now that I'm homeless...
467
00:26:11,713 --> 00:26:13,533
what do you plan to do with me?
468
00:26:13,553 --> 00:26:15,133
I'm gonna love you.
469
00:26:16,823 --> 00:26:18,813
And I'm gonna marry you.
470
00:26:20,853 --> 00:26:25,213
And that should take care
of about sixty years.
471
00:26:25,233 --> 00:26:27,743
Is that a threat or a promise?
472
00:26:27,763 --> 00:26:30,873
That's a threat.
473
00:26:30,893 --> 00:26:33,013
I'm getting old, though.
474
00:26:33,043 --> 00:26:34,393
Yeah, real old.
475
00:26:34,403 --> 00:26:35,723
I'm serious.
476
00:26:35,743 --> 00:26:38,663
Next thing you know,
I'll be on the beach...
477
00:26:38,673 --> 00:26:43,603
with that big belly,
sporting the bikini underwear...
478
00:26:43,613 --> 00:26:44,863
just walking.
479
00:26:46,883 --> 00:26:48,773
Then comes gray hair.
480
00:26:48,783 --> 00:26:52,403
Then comes ear hair,
coming out of my ears.
481
00:26:52,423 --> 00:26:55,243
Then comes white hair.
Then comes no hair.
482
00:26:55,263 --> 00:26:57,013
Then comes no teeth.
483
00:26:57,023 --> 00:27:00,243
Then, boom,
you're 70 years old.
484
00:27:00,263 --> 00:27:01,873
Or 80.
485
00:27:01,893 --> 00:27:04,483
Ooh, nature.
486
00:27:04,503 --> 00:27:06,493
I'll be there.
487
00:27:18,413 --> 00:27:21,633
You kids having a good time?
488
00:27:24,393 --> 00:27:27,003
Hi, John. Johnny Ballgame.
489
00:27:27,023 --> 00:27:29,573
All right. Now, I don't mean
to interrupt you.
490
00:27:29,593 --> 00:27:31,343
I just want you
to know, John...
491
00:27:31,353 --> 00:27:34,753
that there's a lot of phony hype
with all these schools.
492
00:27:34,763 --> 00:27:36,953
Now, I know you better
than you know yourself...
493
00:27:36,963 --> 00:27:40,553
and right now the best situation
for you is Piermont.
494
00:27:40,563 --> 00:27:42,893
Oh, yeah, Coach?
495
00:27:42,913 --> 00:27:44,223
-Really.
-Yeah?
496
00:27:44,243 --> 00:27:47,203
Can I tell them you'll come down
for a visit this weekend?
497
00:27:47,213 --> 00:27:48,223
Coach.
498
00:27:50,643 --> 00:27:54,513
You'd be my horse
if you never even ran a race.
499
00:27:54,523 --> 00:27:56,513
OK, I'll be there.
500
00:27:56,523 --> 00:27:58,703
-Johnny Ballgame.
-OK.
501
00:27:58,723 --> 00:28:01,143
I'll have 'em send you
a plane ticket.
502
00:28:01,153 --> 00:28:04,243
You know I've always been
fond of you, kid.
503
00:28:04,263 --> 00:28:05,543
Thank you, Coach.
504
00:28:05,563 --> 00:28:08,343
I'm fond of your Pacer.
505
00:28:08,363 --> 00:28:09,403
Thank you.
506
00:28:09,433 --> 00:28:10,973
I'm most fond of it.
507
00:28:10,993 --> 00:28:13,393
Hey, you could have
one of these someday.
508
00:28:13,403 --> 00:28:14,913
Don't tease me, Coach.
509
00:28:20,443 --> 00:28:22,903
That's the last damn school
I'd ever visit in my life.
510
00:28:22,913 --> 00:28:25,433
Johnny, why are you visiting
all these schools?
511
00:28:27,453 --> 00:28:29,563
I thought we planned
to go to State...
512
00:28:29,583 --> 00:28:31,733
to be together.
513
00:28:33,593 --> 00:28:35,673
I can't just ignore
the opportunity...
514
00:28:35,693 --> 00:28:39,243
to go see schools,
to see the country.
515
00:28:39,263 --> 00:28:41,473
You wouldn't want that.
516
00:28:43,703 --> 00:28:46,493
Come on. When you get
that look on your face--
517
00:28:46,503 --> 00:28:47,653
Let me get a kiss, please.
518
00:28:47,673 --> 00:28:49,853
Like, let me get
a Georgia fish kiss.
519
00:28:49,873 --> 00:28:52,323
Come get it.
520
00:28:55,213 --> 00:28:56,603
Come get it?
521
00:28:58,113 --> 00:28:59,503
I will.
522
00:29:22,543 --> 00:29:24,593
It's the way to travel,
ain't it, soldier?
523
00:29:24,613 --> 00:29:26,603
Huh? You see
the country here and...
524
00:29:26,613 --> 00:29:29,433
first-class bucket seats.
525
00:29:29,443 --> 00:29:31,453
The price is right, too, huh?
526
00:29:34,523 --> 00:29:37,103
What are you, a private?
527
00:29:37,123 --> 00:29:40,163
Hey, I'm trying to eat.
You mind?
528
00:29:40,183 --> 00:29:42,143
Hey, this is a family bus here.
529
00:29:42,153 --> 00:29:45,383
Hey, Slim.
Hey, I'm trying to eat.
530
00:29:45,393 --> 00:29:48,983
Hey, Slim.
Knock it off, will you?
531
00:30:00,203 --> 00:30:02,723
I wonder if that's
the Ol' Tex plane.
532
00:30:02,753 --> 00:30:04,463
Have you seen a lot
of commercial airlines...
533
00:30:04,483 --> 00:30:06,263
that look like
a flying horny toad?
534
00:30:06,283 --> 00:30:07,323
No.
535
00:30:17,723 --> 00:30:20,543
Get off that. No. Please.
536
00:30:24,333 --> 00:30:27,193
-Hi. How y'all doing?
-How you doing? Good to see you.
537
00:30:27,203 --> 00:30:30,163
My name's Tex Wade. I'm gonna be
your host for the weekend.
538
00:30:30,173 --> 00:30:32,713
I'm gonna make sure
you get everything you want...
539
00:30:32,743 --> 00:30:34,493
from your visit to Ol' Tex.
540
00:30:34,513 --> 00:30:37,863
Well, thank you, Tex.
You got a lot of style, Tex.
541
00:30:37,883 --> 00:30:41,533
How about a little something
to blur your vision, Johnny?
542
00:30:41,543 --> 00:30:44,203
- No, thanks, Tex.
- Well, then hop in.
543
00:30:44,223 --> 00:30:46,373
OK. Bye, Georgia.
544
00:30:46,393 --> 00:30:48,473
Johnny, be good.
545
00:30:51,853 --> 00:30:54,253
Come on in, Tex.
546
00:30:54,263 --> 00:30:56,343
Georgia, can you see his boots?
547
00:30:58,033 --> 00:30:59,353
See you, Georgia.
548
00:31:02,373 --> 00:31:03,793
Just kidding, Tex.
549
00:31:03,813 --> 00:31:05,663
Aw, man!
550
00:31:18,023 --> 00:31:20,013
Where is that punk?
551
00:31:20,023 --> 00:31:21,533
Excuse me?
552
00:31:21,553 --> 00:31:23,843
I'm not talking to you, lady.
553
00:31:23,863 --> 00:31:25,213
What a jerk.
554
00:31:30,963 --> 00:31:34,453
Thinks his time is more valuable
than mine, I guess.
555
00:31:34,473 --> 00:31:37,653
Probably stroking
his muskrat somewhere.
556
00:31:41,873 --> 00:31:43,463
Sit down, Coach.
557
00:31:43,483 --> 00:31:45,233
Oh, thank you.
558
00:31:46,753 --> 00:31:49,133
You're late. Where's the kid?
559
00:31:49,153 --> 00:31:52,763
They sprung a math test on him.
560
00:31:52,793 --> 00:31:54,043
You believe that?
561
00:31:54,063 --> 00:31:55,873
He'll be flying down
a little later.
562
00:31:55,893 --> 00:31:58,113
Actually, I should
give him a little call.
563
00:31:58,123 --> 00:31:59,633
Use the phone
back there, please.
564
00:31:59,663 --> 00:32:01,113
Yeah.
565
00:32:01,123 --> 00:32:03,083
You should have seen
that airport.
566
00:32:03,103 --> 00:32:04,253
What a madhouse.
567
00:32:05,303 --> 00:32:07,883
It's a beautiful office,
Chancellor.
568
00:32:07,903 --> 00:32:10,083
Not too shabby.
569
00:32:11,333 --> 00:32:13,303
John, how are you?
570
00:32:14,283 --> 00:32:15,493
What's the matter?
571
00:32:15,513 --> 00:32:17,293
Well, that's terrible.
572
00:32:17,313 --> 00:32:19,463
Listen.
Don't worry about a thing.
573
00:32:19,483 --> 00:32:21,733
We'll just reschedule
the meeting, OK?
574
00:32:21,743 --> 00:32:24,543
I know you want
to come here with me.
575
00:32:24,553 --> 00:32:26,063
You haven't hurt your chances.
576
00:32:26,093 --> 00:32:29,133
Now, look. As soon as I get
off the airplane...
577
00:32:29,153 --> 00:32:30,943
I'm coming right over
to see you.
578
00:32:30,953 --> 00:32:33,453
I love you, too, son.
579
00:32:33,463 --> 00:32:34,513
Bye-bye.
580
00:32:35,833 --> 00:32:37,323
That's a great kid.
581
00:33:05,963 --> 00:33:09,943
I want you to feel
right at home, like family.
582
00:33:09,963 --> 00:33:12,643
Like this was
your very own ranch.
583
00:33:12,673 --> 00:33:15,133
Look, this comes straight
from the heart, John.
584
00:33:15,143 --> 00:33:17,393
Everybody here loves you.
585
00:33:17,403 --> 00:33:19,393
You see these long-stemmed
American beauties here?
586
00:33:19,403 --> 00:33:21,023
They're all for you.
They're yours.
587
00:33:21,043 --> 00:33:23,663
That grass is yours.
This whole shindig is yours.
588
00:33:23,683 --> 00:33:26,603
Them trees are yours.
Hell, that lake is yours.
589
00:33:26,613 --> 00:33:28,123
Is this part
of the campus, Tex?
590
00:33:28,153 --> 00:33:30,333
You could call it
part of the campus, Johnny.
591
00:33:30,353 --> 00:33:33,843
You come to Ol' Tex, you can
call it anything you want.
592
00:33:33,863 --> 00:33:35,073
I love Ol' Tex.
593
00:33:35,093 --> 00:33:37,883
Margarita, Mr. Wade?
-Don't mind if we do, darling.
594
00:33:37,893 --> 00:33:39,003
Here you go.
595
00:33:39,023 --> 00:33:40,913
Never had one of these.
596
00:33:40,923 --> 00:33:44,823
Shit. Everybody drinks
margaritas at Ol' Tex.
597
00:33:44,833 --> 00:33:46,723
Feisty little filly, ain't she?
598
00:33:46,733 --> 00:33:49,093
My wife says they're medicinal.
599
00:33:49,103 --> 00:33:50,353
The ride has started!
600
00:33:50,373 --> 00:33:51,793
He's out of the chute.
601
00:33:51,803 --> 00:33:53,893
He's riding that--
602
00:33:53,913 --> 00:33:55,303
B.B., what's shaking?
603
00:33:55,313 --> 00:33:57,893
Come on, break yourself loose
and say hi to Johnny Walker.
604
00:33:57,913 --> 00:34:00,533
Johnny, captain of the team,
Bad Breath Banister.
605
00:34:00,543 --> 00:34:01,863
Tough duty, B.B.
606
00:34:01,893 --> 00:34:03,703
That boy's breath
would gag a maggot.
607
00:34:03,723 --> 00:34:05,733
I know it, Tex,
but he's gotta be...
608
00:34:06,793 --> 00:34:08,503
Ladies and gents...
609
00:34:08,523 --> 00:34:11,603
can I have your attention
for one minute?
610
00:34:11,623 --> 00:34:14,213
I want to introduce to you...
611
00:34:14,233 --> 00:34:17,553
five of the most sought-after
football players...
612
00:34:17,563 --> 00:34:20,493
in the entire country.
613
00:34:20,503 --> 00:34:22,513
Boys, come on now.
614
00:34:22,543 --> 00:34:23,933
Step up here.
615
00:34:28,673 --> 00:34:31,393
We want you! We want you!
616
00:34:31,413 --> 00:34:33,373
And you're gonna get 'em!
617
00:34:33,383 --> 00:34:35,303
This here is Flick Weaver...
618
00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:36,863
Pete Andropolous...
619
00:34:36,883 --> 00:34:39,073
Benny Figg...
620
00:34:39,083 --> 00:34:42,013
and that hunk
of Mexican-Samoan man flesh...
621
00:34:42,033 --> 00:34:44,043
Jose Fopupu.
622
00:34:44,063 --> 00:34:47,643
And last, but not least,
Johnny "Rocket Arm" Walker.
623
00:34:47,663 --> 00:34:51,013
We want you! We want you!
624
00:34:51,033 --> 00:34:54,463
Hail all to Ol' Tex
625
00:34:54,473 --> 00:34:57,893
Let the spirit lead
626
00:34:57,903 --> 00:35:01,293
Hail all to Ol' Tex
627
00:35:01,303 --> 00:35:04,673
On to victory
628
00:35:04,683 --> 00:35:09,073
Our minds and hearts
are with you
629
00:35:09,083 --> 00:35:13,983
Your hallowed halls we praise
630
00:35:13,993 --> 00:35:17,003
Hail all to Ol' Tex
631
00:35:17,023 --> 00:35:21,713
All the live-long day
632
00:35:38,583 --> 00:35:40,033
Ol' Tex is great.
633
00:35:40,043 --> 00:35:43,513
Yeah, but it can't come close
to the money Piermont offered.
634
00:35:43,523 --> 00:35:45,133
Man, only that
junk bond bullshit.
635
00:35:45,153 --> 00:35:46,843
I'm splitting.
636
00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:48,213
Where are you going?
637
00:35:48,223 --> 00:35:50,113
I'm going to get some Chinese.
638
00:35:50,123 --> 00:35:51,703
Man, ain't you full yet,
brother?
639
00:35:51,723 --> 00:35:54,853
I'm not talking about food.
I told Tex I'd only come...
640
00:35:54,863 --> 00:35:56,913
to visit if he got me
two Chinese girls.
641
00:35:56,933 --> 00:35:58,923
-Yo, Slick.
-He did!
642
00:35:58,933 --> 00:36:01,323
Poontang foo-yang, hoss.
643
00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:05,733
We're gonna show you
a real good time.
644
00:36:05,743 --> 00:36:07,093
How you doing, Carmen?
645
00:36:07,113 --> 00:36:09,103
I'm glad to see you.
Ralph, what's up with you, man?
646
00:36:09,113 --> 00:36:10,793
How you doing?
How's it feeling, man?
647
00:36:10,813 --> 00:36:12,693
Yeah? Things looking up?
648
00:36:12,723 --> 00:36:14,173
Aw, the stock market's down.
649
00:36:14,183 --> 00:36:16,233
Stocks are down, huh?
How's your wife, man?
650
00:36:16,253 --> 00:36:17,243
Oh, fair.
651
00:36:17,253 --> 00:36:18,863
I need a partner.
652
00:36:18,883 --> 00:36:20,573
-Still picking pockets, man?
-Yeah.
653
00:36:28,433 --> 00:36:31,443
I'm here to tell you
that it is my responsibility...
654
00:36:31,463 --> 00:36:34,863
to welcome you
to the fold of Ol' Tex.
655
00:36:34,873 --> 00:36:39,263
Sort of like a queen bee
with a hive...
656
00:36:39,273 --> 00:36:40,883
and I never miss.
657
00:36:40,903 --> 00:36:43,733
I got me a player
in every class.
658
00:36:45,913 --> 00:36:50,273
In order to prepare you
for tonight's experience...
659
00:36:50,283 --> 00:36:52,363
we need to do a little
hot heart exercise.
660
00:36:52,393 --> 00:36:54,473
Now I'm gonna send you
some energy.
661
00:36:56,093 --> 00:36:57,373
Do you feel it?
662
00:36:57,393 --> 00:36:58,843
Do you feel it?
663
00:36:58,863 --> 00:37:00,673
I feel it. I feel good.
664
00:37:00,693 --> 00:37:03,213
-Do you feel the heat?
-I feel the heat.
665
00:37:03,233 --> 00:37:05,593
OK, OK. I feel it, too.
666
00:37:05,603 --> 00:37:07,093
OK, now.
667
00:37:07,103 --> 00:37:10,353
How'd you like to go
visit our campus?
668
00:37:10,373 --> 00:37:12,413
Where the hell
is that campus, by the way?
669
00:37:12,443 --> 00:37:14,563
Well, I'm glad you asked...
670
00:37:14,583 --> 00:37:16,793
because I'm gonna
take you there right now.
671
00:37:16,813 --> 00:37:17,823
Thank you, ma'am.
672
00:37:17,843 --> 00:37:22,863
Well, let us grab
our drinks and vamoose.
673
00:37:22,893 --> 00:37:24,273
Ooh, numero uno.
674
00:37:26,123 --> 00:37:28,203
I'm going to show you,
you lucky boy...
675
00:37:28,223 --> 00:37:31,543
why they call us
the Horny Toads.
676
00:37:31,553 --> 00:37:35,353
Why, darling, this is far more
than a football team.
677
00:37:35,363 --> 00:37:36,683
Armadillo.
678
00:37:36,703 --> 00:37:38,883
I mean, we have a very fine
medical program...
679
00:37:38,903 --> 00:37:42,053
in which many operators
come out successfully.
680
00:37:42,073 --> 00:37:43,143
Oh, is that right?
681
00:37:43,173 --> 00:37:44,923
Well, you understand
the word "operator"?
682
00:37:44,943 --> 00:37:45,933
Not at all.
683
00:37:45,943 --> 00:37:47,953
-Was that your hand?
-That was yours.
684
00:37:47,973 --> 00:37:51,053
Oh, well,
that was my hand, darling.
685
00:37:51,073 --> 00:37:55,913
I thought it was a pillow,
but I can see I was mistaken.
686
00:37:55,923 --> 00:37:59,073
And as you can see,
we have a very fine library.
687
00:37:59,083 --> 00:38:00,333
Right. I can see that.
688
00:38:00,353 --> 00:38:03,713
Well, we'll see
the library now.
689
00:38:05,333 --> 00:38:06,913
Excuse me.
690
00:38:12,773 --> 00:38:16,253
Listen, if you're
not interested in her...
691
00:38:16,273 --> 00:38:20,283
I may know someone
a little more your speed.
692
00:38:23,953 --> 00:38:26,273
Now, darling...
693
00:38:26,283 --> 00:38:30,763
I thought this would be
a more intimate place to dine.
694
00:38:30,783 --> 00:38:32,273
A little more spacious.
695
00:38:32,293 --> 00:38:34,613
I can't believe
the size of this campus.
696
00:38:34,623 --> 00:38:36,943
- It's huge.
- Well, you bet.
697
00:38:36,963 --> 00:38:39,173
They're all gonna be saying it--
"Go, Johnny, go."
698
00:38:39,193 --> 00:38:42,773
In the fall, 80,000 people will
be cheering you on, darling.
699
00:38:42,803 --> 00:38:44,293
Johnny Walker!
700
00:38:44,303 --> 00:38:47,983
And I can guarantee you
something, sweetheart.
701
00:38:48,003 --> 00:38:49,353
It will be nothing...
702
00:38:49,373 --> 00:38:51,863
like the performance
I'm about to give.
703
00:38:53,813 --> 00:38:55,133
Oh, no.
704
00:38:58,313 --> 00:38:59,733
Oh. Ouch.
705
00:38:59,743 --> 00:39:00,733
Oh, boink.
706
00:39:00,743 --> 00:39:02,163
Thank you so much.
707
00:39:02,193 --> 00:39:03,473
Matter of fact...
708
00:39:03,493 --> 00:39:06,073
I should start abusing
that term-thank you--
709
00:39:06,093 --> 00:39:09,513
because it can get me
in and out of more situations...
710
00:39:09,523 --> 00:39:11,273
with smooth sincerity.
711
00:39:12,763 --> 00:39:14,583
Absolutely the best thing
I could say...
712
00:39:14,603 --> 00:39:16,023
is thank you right now.
713
00:39:16,033 --> 00:39:17,883
Thank you and...
714
00:39:17,903 --> 00:39:19,893
well, thank you. Thank you.
715
00:39:19,903 --> 00:39:21,383
Darling, you talk too much.
716
00:39:21,403 --> 00:39:22,883
Wait a minute. No, thank you.
717
00:39:22,913 --> 00:39:24,923
See, I'm not the type
of guy who thinks--
718
00:39:24,943 --> 00:39:26,953
-Joe Bob!
-Yo!
719
00:39:26,973 --> 00:39:29,393
Tell 'em about
the Ol' Tex baby dolls...
720
00:39:29,413 --> 00:39:33,403
and how they like to sneak
in the locker room at halftime.
721
00:39:33,423 --> 00:39:35,413
Lord have mercy, boys.
722
00:39:35,423 --> 00:39:38,413
We spend $20,000 a month on
these pretty little fillies...
723
00:39:38,423 --> 00:39:40,913
just for the football
program alone.
724
00:39:40,923 --> 00:39:42,533
You gonna like it here.
725
00:39:42,563 --> 00:39:46,923
Please stop. Stop.
I--thank you very much.
726
00:39:46,933 --> 00:39:49,923
Miss, look, thank you. No.
You're making this hard enough.
727
00:39:49,933 --> 00:39:51,283
Please stop.
728
00:39:53,043 --> 00:39:55,793
Jose, come on down here, boy.
I wanna show you your future.
729
00:39:55,803 --> 00:39:57,023
Ride 'em, cowboy!
730
00:39:57,043 --> 00:39:59,033
Speaking of luxury,
if my eyes don't deceive me...
731
00:39:59,043 --> 00:40:00,923
that's a boy getting
his knob polished...
732
00:40:00,943 --> 00:40:02,623
right there
on the fifty-yard line.
733
00:40:02,653 --> 00:40:03,733
Say what?
734
00:40:03,753 --> 00:40:06,833
I gotta go, you understand?
735
00:40:06,853 --> 00:40:09,863
Oh, wait! Where are you--
Don't leave!
736
00:40:09,883 --> 00:40:12,603
And |--stop!
Stop! Let me go.
737
00:40:12,623 --> 00:40:15,273
Oh, I gotta put this up
on the scoreboard...
738
00:40:15,293 --> 00:40:16,783
see it a little clearer.
739
00:40:17,993 --> 00:40:21,503
I have to go.
No, I'm not a homosexual.
740
00:40:21,523 --> 00:40:23,453
I have to go.
741
00:40:23,473 --> 00:40:24,953
No, you don't.
742
00:40:24,973 --> 00:40:27,463
By God. I'll be dipped
in dog shit.
743
00:40:27,473 --> 00:40:28,953
That's Johnny Walker.
744
00:40:28,973 --> 00:40:30,453
What the--
745
00:40:30,473 --> 00:40:33,303
Shit. That's my wife!
746
00:40:33,313 --> 00:40:34,763
That's your wife?
747
00:40:34,783 --> 00:40:37,293
Who said that? Wait a minute.
Please. You have a husband?
748
00:40:37,313 --> 00:40:38,963
I'm getting out of here now.
This is it, and I'm out.
749
00:40:38,983 --> 00:40:41,833
And put those tits away.
This was no med school.
750
00:40:41,843 --> 00:40:43,843
-This was not a library!
-I wanna play ball!
751
00:40:43,853 --> 00:40:45,003
I have to go!
752
00:40:45,023 --> 00:40:47,983
I won't put away my tits
before you get back here!
753
00:40:47,993 --> 00:40:49,983
Come back here, you |i|' boy!
754
00:40:49,993 --> 00:40:51,473
I gotta go! No, no!
755
00:40:51,493 --> 00:40:54,013
Come back here!
I can make you feel good!
756
00:41:02,443 --> 00:41:04,863
Get your butt
in this car, boy! Now!
757
00:41:04,873 --> 00:41:06,363
Come on, let's go!
758
00:41:06,373 --> 00:41:07,863
You wanna go? Get in!
759
00:41:09,843 --> 00:41:11,833
Hey, don't be doing
that to the paint!
760
00:41:11,843 --> 00:41:14,343
Tex'll have my behind for that.
761
00:41:14,353 --> 00:41:16,533
Don't be doing that.
Get in. Come on.
762
00:41:22,463 --> 00:41:24,883
Oh, so this is
the medical school.
763
00:41:41,853 --> 00:41:44,133
Hey, boys, come on down here!
764
00:41:44,153 --> 00:41:46,663
Got the entire front row
for y'all!
765
00:41:55,363 --> 00:41:56,873
Oh, my gosh!
766
00:41:56,893 --> 00:41:58,003
It's looking very good!
767
00:41:58,023 --> 00:41:59,033
Oh, no.
768
00:42:30,453 --> 00:42:32,443
Sure was nice of 0|‘ Tex
to let us use his car.
769
00:42:32,463 --> 00:42:35,613
Goddamn! It was nice of him
to give us his wife!
770
00:42:38,163 --> 00:42:40,853
- Fill 'er up?
- Yes, sir, with beer.
771
00:42:40,863 --> 00:42:42,323
HEY-
772
00:42:42,343 --> 00:42:44,493
Get you guys a beer
or maybe two.
773
00:42:45,973 --> 00:42:47,293
How you doing?
774
00:42:47,313 --> 00:42:50,133
-Doing good. How you doing?
-Good, good.
775
00:42:50,143 --> 00:42:52,693
You going to play football
at Ol' Tex?
776
00:42:52,723 --> 00:42:54,973
Oh, I don't know yet.
777
00:42:54,983 --> 00:42:57,973
You know, I used to be
a football player.
778
00:42:57,983 --> 00:43:00,403
They said I would've
been all-American...
779
00:43:00,423 --> 00:43:02,463
if I hadn't hurt my leg.
780
00:43:03,933 --> 00:43:05,413
What happened?
781
00:43:05,433 --> 00:43:07,923
Did you go to Ol' Tex?
782
00:43:07,933 --> 00:43:10,283
I was going to, but...
783
00:43:10,293 --> 00:43:12,923
I never got the chance.
784
00:43:12,943 --> 00:43:14,933
After they took
my scholarship away...
785
00:43:14,943 --> 00:43:16,423
I had to quit school.
786
00:43:16,443 --> 00:43:17,923
But...
787
00:43:17,943 --> 00:43:20,723
Ol' Tex took care of me,
got me this job.
788
00:43:24,153 --> 00:43:25,793
I ain't complaining.
789
00:43:32,823 --> 00:43:33,943
HEY-
790
00:43:33,963 --> 00:43:35,953
- Yeah, buddy.
- Party!
791
00:43:35,963 --> 00:43:38,143
Yeah! Gonna party tonight!
792
00:43:42,973 --> 00:43:45,223
What's this stuff, man?
793
00:43:49,333 --> 00:43:50,513
What is it?
794
00:43:54,483 --> 00:43:56,733
That's Texas sushi, boy.
795
00:43:56,743 --> 00:43:58,793
Forget you, man.
796
00:44:03,753 --> 00:44:05,403
Come on. We're out of here.
797
00:44:05,423 --> 00:44:06,913
Let's jam.
798
00:44:06,923 --> 00:44:07,963
Move it out! All right.
799
00:44:25,573 --> 00:44:27,083
There he is!
800
00:44:27,113 --> 00:44:29,863
Hey, Johnny,
why'd you visit Ol' Tex?
801
00:44:29,873 --> 00:44:32,093
I need silence.
I need silence.
802
00:44:32,123 --> 00:44:34,803
Why'd you go there
in the first place?
803
00:44:34,823 --> 00:44:36,813
Come on, you're smarter
than that, Johnny.
804
00:44:36,823 --> 00:44:38,133
I don't know. I don't know.
805
00:44:38,153 --> 00:44:41,803
Until you signed your letter,
nothing else means squat.
806
00:44:44,663 --> 00:44:46,273
Hey. Hello there.
807
00:44:46,293 --> 00:44:48,653
Hi, honey.
808
00:44:48,663 --> 00:44:50,653
How was the campus?
809
00:44:50,663 --> 00:44:52,113
The campus.
810
00:44:52,143 --> 00:44:55,153
Right. It was nice, Mom.
811
00:44:55,173 --> 00:44:57,993
Yeah, it was nice.
It really was a nice campus.
812
00:44:58,003 --> 00:45:00,583
Well, you think of Ol' Tex as
just a football school, right?
813
00:45:00,603 --> 00:45:01,823
And in actuality...
814
00:45:01,843 --> 00:45:05,463
they have the finest
pre-med school in the country.
815
00:45:05,483 --> 00:45:08,403
Really. Just a fierce--
it was a beautiful setup.
816
00:45:08,413 --> 00:45:10,903
Yeah, it was nice.
It really was.
817
00:45:10,913 --> 00:45:15,073
Listen, something wonderful
happened while you were away.
818
00:45:15,093 --> 00:45:17,603
This fella calls up
on the telephone, see...
819
00:45:17,623 --> 00:45:21,083
and he orders 10,000
walleyed gibblers.
820
00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,513
Apparently
he gives them away...
821
00:45:22,533 --> 00:45:24,113
on his late-night
television show...
822
00:45:24,133 --> 00:45:27,753
like those Veg-a-matics or those
spiffy little fishing rods...
823
00:45:27,773 --> 00:45:30,923
that turn into can openers.
824
00:45:30,933 --> 00:45:34,923
We could make a small fortune
on this deal, you know?
825
00:45:34,943 --> 00:45:36,933
That's excellent, Gramp.
826
00:45:36,943 --> 00:45:38,933
Yeah. So he called?
827
00:45:38,943 --> 00:45:41,933
The fella says
so long as they sell...
828
00:45:41,953 --> 00:45:43,943
the orders
will just keep coming in.
829
00:45:43,953 --> 00:45:46,943
You know, we could maybe
buy a larger house.
830
00:45:46,953 --> 00:45:50,003
That'll really catch
a lot of fish.
831
00:45:50,193 --> 00:45:52,073
- Hi, Johnny.
- Hey, Monica.
832
00:45:52,103 --> 00:45:53,983
Don't you bruise
those tomatoes now.
833
00:45:57,503 --> 00:45:59,083
Have you folks tried
those biscuits?
834
00:45:59,103 --> 00:46:01,243
- They're delicious.
- What'd he say?
835
00:46:01,263 --> 00:46:02,443
Pick a school yet, Johnny?
836
00:46:02,473 --> 00:46:04,263
Baby love.
837
00:46:04,273 --> 00:46:07,233
Hey. How was it?
838
00:46:07,243 --> 00:46:11,223
It was cool. It was good.
I had a good time.
839
00:46:11,243 --> 00:46:13,433
Yeah?
840
00:46:13,453 --> 00:46:15,563
So how were the girls?
841
00:46:15,583 --> 00:46:18,473
The girls.
842
00:46:18,483 --> 00:46:20,493
How were the girls?
843
00:46:21,483 --> 00:46:23,503
Well, they were...
844
00:46:24,993 --> 00:46:26,683
very short...
845
00:46:26,693 --> 00:46:28,703
very fat...
846
00:46:28,733 --> 00:46:30,983
and kinda weird looking.
847
00:46:30,993 --> 00:46:32,113
What was her name?
848
00:46:32,143 --> 00:46:34,963
- Huh?
- What was her name?
849
00:46:37,103 --> 00:46:38,923
The woman I had dinner with
was Lawanda.
850
00:46:38,943 --> 00:46:40,253
That was Tex's wife.
851
00:46:40,273 --> 00:46:41,593
Lawanda?
852
00:46:41,603 --> 00:46:44,363
Very old chick. Very fat woman.
853
00:46:44,383 --> 00:46:46,163
And very funny looking.
854
00:46:46,183 --> 00:46:49,173
She took me to dinner,
and, you know...
855
00:46:49,183 --> 00:46:53,653
"What do you think of Texas?"
And, you know, "I love it."
856
00:46:53,663 --> 00:46:55,943
Lot of small talk.
857
00:46:55,963 --> 00:46:58,103
I didn't--you know,
I didn't do anything...
858
00:46:58,123 --> 00:47:00,673
or, you know, touched her.
859
00:47:04,403 --> 00:47:06,323
What are you thinking about?
860
00:47:08,573 --> 00:47:10,923
I think you're an asshole!
861
00:47:23,323 --> 00:47:25,943
This boy-girl shit hurts, man.
862
00:47:26,923 --> 00:47:29,413
Oh, no. None of that.
863
00:47:29,423 --> 00:47:31,913
It's a bogus product.
It's a payoff.
864
00:47:31,933 --> 00:47:35,113
No self-respecting fish would
go near a walleyed gibbler.
865
00:47:35,133 --> 00:47:37,923
Hey, Leo, read my lips.
866
00:47:37,933 --> 00:47:39,923
Joe Bob promised
my grandfather...
867
00:47:39,933 --> 00:47:41,923
he'd by 10,000
of the things, OK?
868
00:47:41,943 --> 00:47:43,933
Dude, you're confused.
You're repeating yourself.
869
00:47:43,943 --> 00:47:46,363
- Maybe you're wrong.
- Well...
870
00:47:46,373 --> 00:47:49,123
I couldn't break his heart
like that.
871
00:47:49,143 --> 00:47:51,603
Well, you can't commit
to Ol' Tex.
872
00:47:51,613 --> 00:47:55,003
I'll tell you something, Leo,
I had such a groove in Texas.
873
00:47:55,023 --> 00:47:56,663
I vomited margaritas
the whole way home...
874
00:47:56,683 --> 00:47:58,143
but it was beautiful.
I'm telling you.
875
00:47:58,153 --> 00:47:59,733
Well, perhaps
you'll spew forth...
876
00:47:59,753 --> 00:48:01,533
the drink of every school
you visit.
877
00:48:01,553 --> 00:48:03,213
I like that.
I'll keep it in mind.
878
00:48:03,233 --> 00:48:04,913
Give me a hand. Howdy, Chief!
879
00:48:04,933 --> 00:48:06,383
Dirtbags!
880
00:48:07,363 --> 00:48:11,413
UCC, UCC, UCC.
881
00:48:12,743 --> 00:48:16,063
What's shaking, Coach?
I didn't know you'd show.
882
00:48:16,073 --> 00:48:18,223
Coach, how do you feel?
883
00:48:18,243 --> 00:48:22,063
John, you promised me
you were gonna visit Piermont.
884
00:48:22,073 --> 00:48:25,663
He's not going to Piermont.
You get it? Got it?
885
00:48:25,683 --> 00:48:27,033
And goose yourself.
886
00:48:28,913 --> 00:48:32,773
If I want any shit out of you,
Leo, I'll squeeze your head.
887
00:48:35,393 --> 00:48:38,143
You better listen to me, son.
888
00:48:38,163 --> 00:48:42,243
You're on the verge of
destroying your entire career.
889
00:48:42,273 --> 00:48:44,483
I'm not gonna let it happen.
890
00:48:44,503 --> 00:48:46,423
I'm gonna do
whatever it takes...
891
00:48:46,433 --> 00:48:48,823
to make sure you do
the right thing.
892
00:48:59,713 --> 00:49:01,263
You keep playing games
with me...
893
00:49:01,283 --> 00:49:04,443
you're gonna end up waiting
on tables with this guy.
894
00:49:04,453 --> 00:49:06,873
That was cold-blooded, Coach.
895
00:49:06,893 --> 00:49:10,003
- Coach, where's your shoes?
- Forgot those shoes, Coach.
896
00:49:10,193 --> 00:49:14,593
Are you sure Tom won't want
to order more of my lures?
897
00:49:14,603 --> 00:49:18,583
We haven't sold one
in three years.
898
00:49:18,603 --> 00:49:21,983
Well, Harvey, you tell him that
a big shot down in Texas...
899
00:49:22,003 --> 00:49:24,003
just ordered 10,000 of them.
900
00:49:24,013 --> 00:49:27,863
Reckon the fish in that state
are gonna be safe for a while.
901
00:49:51,943 --> 00:49:54,593
Grandpa Walker,
can I have a word with you?
902
00:49:54,603 --> 00:49:56,423
Sure, Coach. Sit down.
903
00:49:56,443 --> 00:49:57,923
Got some bad news.
904
00:49:57,943 --> 00:49:59,793
You know Tom Norman?
905
00:49:59,803 --> 00:50:02,423
Well, he owns this shop.
Fishing buddy.
906
00:50:02,453 --> 00:50:03,903
What's happened?
907
00:50:03,913 --> 00:50:05,563
Well, apparently
he's very connected...
908
00:50:05,583 --> 00:50:07,433
with some of the alumni
from Piermont.
909
00:50:07,453 --> 00:50:09,533
Tom tells me that if Johnny
doesn't go to Fiermont...
910
00:50:09,553 --> 00:50:12,903
he's gonna have to cut off
your credit here.
911
00:50:12,923 --> 00:50:16,443
Hey, I hear you're
flunking English. Ouch.
912
00:50:16,463 --> 00:50:18,973
John, you need
that English, son.
913
00:50:26,473 --> 00:50:27,783
You did your term paper...
914
00:50:27,803 --> 00:50:29,793
on the American
hardware store, huh?
915
00:50:29,803 --> 00:50:31,123
Maybe you deserved that
916
00:50:31,133 --> 00:50:33,263
I don't want to hear about it.
It's a very legitimate topic.
917
00:50:33,283 --> 00:50:36,393
- Yes, it is, and I must read it.
- I know you wanted to.
918
00:50:36,413 --> 00:50:38,993
So, Leo, I think you know
why we're here today.
919
00:50:39,013 --> 00:50:40,793
I think you do.
920
00:50:40,813 --> 00:50:42,963
Hisler's been messing
with me, Leo.
921
00:50:42,993 --> 00:50:45,483
He's been messing
with my grandfather...
922
00:50:45,493 --> 00:50:47,983
been messing
with my little brother...
923
00:50:47,993 --> 00:50:49,503
my little sister.
924
00:50:50,993 --> 00:50:53,323
Been messing with my mom, Leo.
925
00:50:53,333 --> 00:50:56,983
He's been talking to her,
messing with her.
926
00:50:57,003 --> 00:50:58,993
And now...
927
00:50:59,003 --> 00:51:00,753
we're gonna mess with him, Leo.
928
00:51:00,763 --> 00:51:01,913
Are you with me?
929
00:51:01,933 --> 00:51:03,223
Die!
930
00:51:05,443 --> 00:51:07,223
Gonna ruin his life
931
00:51:07,243 --> 00:51:09,093
Gonna ruin it good
932
00:51:09,113 --> 00:51:10,923
Gonna do the wrong thing
933
00:51:10,943 --> 00:51:12,433
Like I thought I could
934
00:51:12,453 --> 00:51:14,733
Oh, Leo, vengeance is mine.
Made all the calls, did you?
935
00:51:14,753 --> 00:51:16,933
It all comes together now.
936
00:51:16,953 --> 00:51:19,533
Wait till you see
these chihuahuas.
937
00:51:21,283 --> 00:51:23,483
Hut, hut, hut.
938
00:51:26,963 --> 00:51:29,453
Hello, John.
Glad you boys came by.
939
00:51:29,463 --> 00:51:31,453
The wife has
a Tupperware party...
940
00:51:31,463 --> 00:51:33,463
but we can talk in the den
if you like.
941
00:51:33,473 --> 00:51:34,963
I'd appreciate that, Coach.
942
00:51:34,973 --> 00:51:37,483
- Come right in, please.
- Thank you. Thank you.
943
00:51:37,503 --> 00:51:40,463
It has a green lid.
944
00:51:40,473 --> 00:51:41,963
It has blue.
945
00:51:41,973 --> 00:51:45,273
It has...purple.
See that purple?
946
00:51:45,283 --> 00:51:48,743
You boys met my children
before-Sugar and Honey?
947
00:51:48,753 --> 00:51:49,793
Oh, I love your kids.
948
00:51:49,813 --> 00:51:51,303
I've been giving
a lot of thought...
949
00:51:51,313 --> 00:51:53,133
to what you told me
about Piermont. I really have.
950
00:51:53,163 --> 00:51:55,043
That's good.
951
00:51:55,063 --> 00:51:57,073
Except I'm having a little
problem with my English grade.
952
00:51:57,093 --> 00:51:58,983
Really?
953
00:51:58,993 --> 00:52:01,413
Yeah. I thought you could help.
954
00:52:01,423 --> 00:52:05,483
I might be able
to help you out with that. Sure.
955
00:52:05,503 --> 00:52:07,183
I thought you could, Coach.
956
00:52:09,433 --> 00:52:10,583
Stick with me, Johnny.
957
00:52:10,603 --> 00:52:13,603
- More company, honey?
- Don't get up, Pumpkin.
958
00:52:13,613 --> 00:52:16,933
- Keep selling your goods.
- OK, now, I have...
959
00:52:16,943 --> 00:52:18,593
Pizza delivery for Hitler.
960
00:52:18,613 --> 00:52:20,463
Hitler? Hisler. Hisler.
961
00:52:20,483 --> 00:52:22,903
Where you going?
Wait a minute, fellas.
962
00:52:22,923 --> 00:52:24,933
Wait a minute.
I didn't order any pizza.
963
00:52:24,953 --> 00:52:27,773
$283.
- No, it won't be $283.
964
00:52:27,793 --> 00:52:29,303
I didn't order any pizza.
965
00:52:29,323 --> 00:52:31,313
Look, pal, you order pizza,
we bring you pizza.
966
00:52:31,323 --> 00:52:33,113
- Hey, listen, you like pizza?
- Sure.
967
00:52:33,133 --> 00:52:36,753
Yeah, you like it? All right.
You eat the pizza!
968
00:52:39,333 --> 00:52:41,223
What are you doing?
969
00:52:41,233 --> 00:52:43,793
Can't you take a joke, mister?
970
00:52:43,813 --> 00:52:46,633
Go back!
Connie, get my shotgun!
971
00:52:48,213 --> 00:52:49,823
Honey, I'm coming!
972
00:52:49,843 --> 00:52:51,953
Can I have the rest
of the pizzas?
973
00:53:00,583 --> 00:53:02,073
Is it for me?
974
00:53:02,083 --> 00:53:04,553
No! It's for nobody!
Get out of here now!
975
00:53:10,093 --> 00:53:13,253
Whoa! Wait a minute!
Where you going?
976
00:53:13,273 --> 00:53:14,953
I'm from D.O.A. Exterminators.
977
00:53:14,973 --> 00:53:16,823
Hear you got a problem
with rodents.
978
00:53:16,843 --> 00:53:18,593
I got no rodents!
979
00:53:18,603 --> 00:53:20,253
I'm gonna take care
of my own rodents.
980
00:53:20,273 --> 00:53:22,323
Out, out, out!
981
00:53:27,613 --> 00:53:30,663
Coach, we're even now.
982
00:53:30,683 --> 00:53:32,263
How do you turn this thing off?
983
00:53:32,293 --> 00:53:33,373
Come on. Out.
984
00:53:34,393 --> 00:53:35,973
Connie, where are you?
985
00:54:25,813 --> 00:54:28,023
Number one.
986
00:54:29,513 --> 00:54:31,123
That's your number.
987
00:54:31,143 --> 00:54:33,113
Yeah, I was really surprised.
988
00:54:33,123 --> 00:54:35,133
No kidding, yeah.
989
00:54:36,283 --> 00:54:38,203
Definitely want
to see him, yeah.
990
00:54:38,223 --> 00:54:41,433
Fast like Homer Jones.
Remember Homer?
991
00:54:41,453 --> 00:54:44,043
Yeah, yeah.
Heck of a student.
992
00:54:44,063 --> 00:54:46,553
95 average--that's great.
993
00:54:46,563 --> 00:54:48,053
Let's have dinner next Tuesday.
994
00:54:48,063 --> 00:54:50,713
I gotta go.
Next Tuesday, OK?
995
00:54:50,733 --> 00:54:52,343
I really have to go. Bye-bye.
996
00:54:52,373 --> 00:54:56,623
What do you say, Coach?
How do you feel?
997
00:54:56,643 --> 00:55:00,563
Would you mind removing
your feet from my desk, please?
998
00:55:00,573 --> 00:55:02,963
Thank you.
999
00:55:02,983 --> 00:55:05,903
So, I came here to do some
business with you today, sir.
1000
00:55:05,913 --> 00:55:07,403
I just got back from Ol' Tex.
1001
00:55:07,413 --> 00:55:10,063
They're ready to cut a sweet
and lucrative deal with me...
1002
00:55:10,083 --> 00:55:12,043
except the thing is,
I want to play here.
1003
00:55:12,053 --> 00:55:13,603
I want to come to State.
1004
00:55:16,263 --> 00:55:18,803
Johnny, we don't
give out deals here.
1005
00:55:20,093 --> 00:55:22,083
What?
1006
00:55:22,093 --> 00:55:26,113
We give the usual scholarship:
Room and board...
1007
00:55:26,133 --> 00:55:28,093
a good education.
1008
00:55:28,103 --> 00:55:31,583
Everyone has to actually
go to class here.
1009
00:55:31,603 --> 00:55:33,603
And I like to believe...
1010
00:55:33,613 --> 00:55:35,863
that we offer a good background
in football.
1011
00:55:35,883 --> 00:55:37,833
We had a lot of players
go into pro ball.
1012
00:55:37,843 --> 00:55:41,633
That's nice, Coach, but...
1013
00:55:41,643 --> 00:55:43,703
you're losing the top
high school athletes...
1014
00:55:43,723 --> 00:55:46,043
every year for a reason.
1015
00:55:46,053 --> 00:55:47,563
What's that?
1016
00:55:49,723 --> 00:55:51,373
Well, you're not
giving them anything.
1017
00:55:51,393 --> 00:55:53,543
You gotta show them something.
They gotta see something.
1018
00:55:53,563 --> 00:55:55,213
They gotta know that
they're gonna get something--
1019
00:55:55,233 --> 00:55:59,053
cash, you know,
cars, apartments, money.
1020
00:55:59,063 --> 00:56:01,213
Hook-ups, you know what I mean?
1021
00:56:01,233 --> 00:56:03,923
We're looking for benefits
these days, Coach.
1022
00:56:03,943 --> 00:56:07,053
Look, Johnny, I like you...
1023
00:56:07,073 --> 00:56:10,063
so I'm not gonna B.S. you.
1024
00:56:10,073 --> 00:56:11,563
You're a good athlete.
1025
00:56:11,573 --> 00:56:15,563
You have a lot of talent
and a lot of energy.
1026
00:56:15,583 --> 00:56:17,233
So I'm warning you...
1027
00:56:17,253 --> 00:56:19,873
you're getting into something
that you don't understand.
1028
00:56:19,883 --> 00:56:22,743
See, when word goes out
that a kid like yourself...
1029
00:56:22,763 --> 00:56:24,483
is looking for a deal...
1030
00:56:24,493 --> 00:56:27,613
believe me, that deal turns out
to be a lot stronger...
1031
00:56:27,633 --> 00:56:29,383
than that kid
ever bargained for.
1032
00:56:31,093 --> 00:56:32,583
Be careful.
1033
00:56:32,603 --> 00:56:34,463
You're playing with fire.
1034
00:57:05,073 --> 00:57:07,083
Are you crazy?
1035
00:57:07,103 --> 00:57:09,993
My father sleeps with his gun.
1036
00:57:13,143 --> 00:57:15,263
I heard you visited State.
1037
00:57:18,743 --> 00:57:21,433
Does this mean
your lobotomy's worn off?
1038
00:57:25,423 --> 00:57:27,073
Well...
1039
00:57:27,093 --> 00:57:32,273
since you're not going to speak,
you will rub my feet.
1040
00:57:35,763 --> 00:57:38,223
I mean, far be it for me
to ask you to apologize...
1041
00:57:38,233 --> 00:57:41,413
when you have behaved like
a complete son of a bitch...
1042
00:57:41,433 --> 00:57:43,053
but...
1043
00:58:06,893 --> 00:58:10,713
"Flowers that have festered
smell far worse than weeds."
1044
00:58:12,243 --> 00:58:15,593
That means...you stink.
1045
00:58:19,073 --> 00:58:20,753
But it was sweet.
1046
00:58:21,853 --> 00:58:24,893
I guess
I'm still sweet on you.
1047
00:58:24,913 --> 00:58:27,403
I'll cut in ten minutes.
1048
00:58:27,413 --> 00:58:29,563
You're a bombshell.
1049
00:58:36,193 --> 00:58:37,513
“Cc!
1050
00:58:37,523 --> 00:58:40,453
- We're going to 0l' Tex.
- No, we're not.
1051
00:58:40,463 --> 00:58:41,943
People in Texas...
1052
00:58:43,973 --> 00:58:45,453
sorry-
1053
00:58:45,473 --> 00:58:46,483
Cool.
1054
00:58:49,103 --> 00:58:51,453
No real shots!
No real shots!
1055
00:58:51,473 --> 00:58:52,483
Punk!
1056
00:58:56,643 --> 00:58:59,033
- You wouldn't really use that.
- Yes, I would.
1057
00:58:59,043 --> 00:59:02,003
- No, you're not gonna use that.
- Yes, I would.
1058
00:59:02,993 --> 00:59:04,473
Leo.
1059
00:59:04,493 --> 00:59:05,973
What?
1060
00:59:05,993 --> 00:59:09,173
What do you really want
out of life, huh?
1061
00:59:09,193 --> 00:59:12,273
I want Johnny Walker
to go to California.
1062
00:59:16,003 --> 00:59:17,923
- All right, I'll go.
- Really?
1063
00:59:17,933 --> 00:59:19,583
- Yeah.
- Cool.
1064
01:00:02,313 --> 01:00:06,403
Hey, how you doing, Johnny?
Lew Landers, I.C.A.
1065
01:00:06,413 --> 01:00:08,033
It's good to see you.
Welcome to California.
1066
01:00:08,053 --> 01:00:09,803
We got a fine time
planned for you, buddy.
1067
01:00:09,813 --> 01:00:11,963
Listen, Lew, I'm here
to meet the money man.
1068
01:00:11,983 --> 01:00:13,413
I'm here on business,
not pleasure.
1069
01:00:13,423 --> 01:00:15,283
I'm the money man, Johnny.
1070
01:00:15,293 --> 01:00:17,343
And I'll tell you something.
I'm gonna take you to meet...
1071
01:00:17,363 --> 01:00:18,943
the best quarterback
in the country...
1072
01:00:18,963 --> 01:00:20,473
a close personal friend
of mine.
1073
01:00:20,493 --> 01:00:22,823
Give me five, Johnny.
Never touch.
1074
01:00:41,513 --> 01:00:45,103
Jim McMahon wears Adidas.
1075
01:00:56,133 --> 01:00:57,783
Either I wear Adidas...
1076
01:00:57,803 --> 01:00:59,313
or I wear nothing.
1077
01:01:01,133 --> 01:01:02,953
Almost nothing.
1078
01:01:02,973 --> 01:01:07,663
And cut!
Great. Beautiful. Amazing.
1079
01:01:07,673 --> 01:01:09,793
Here you go, Jim.
1080
01:01:09,813 --> 01:01:11,693
I don't know how you do it,
Jimmy. Every time.
1081
01:01:11,713 --> 01:01:12,693
Natural talent.
1082
01:01:12,723 --> 01:01:14,643
Back to the golf course
again, huh?
1083
01:01:14,653 --> 01:01:16,803
- The rest of you--thank you.
- Just one more, Jim.
1084
01:01:16,823 --> 01:01:19,143
- Hey, Yeoman, thanks a lot, man.
- You bet, boss.
1085
01:01:19,153 --> 01:01:21,333
Thanks, Bob.
1086
01:01:21,353 --> 01:01:24,983
Jimmy, how you doing?
Meet Johnny Walker.
1087
01:01:24,993 --> 01:01:26,313
What's up, Jim?
1088
01:01:26,333 --> 01:01:27,813
How you doing, John?
1089
01:01:27,833 --> 01:01:30,253
Glad to see
you're coming to UCC.
1090
01:01:30,263 --> 01:01:32,273
Well, I haven't really
made up my mind yet...
1091
01:01:32,303 --> 01:01:35,193
but I'm damn glad
to meet you, man.
1092
01:01:35,203 --> 01:01:37,253
I'm having a little party
for my man tonight.
1093
01:01:37,273 --> 01:01:38,813
Why don't you stop by
the house, huh?
1094
01:01:38,843 --> 01:01:41,353
Well, I'd love to,
but I promised my wife...
1095
01:01:41,373 --> 01:01:44,003
I wouldn't show up
at your place anymore.
1096
01:01:45,783 --> 01:01:48,293
What a kidder, huh?
I love you, Jimmy.
1097
01:01:48,313 --> 01:01:50,503
Hey, maybe next time,
huh, babe?
1098
01:01:51,783 --> 01:01:53,183
- Hey, Lew.
- Yeah?
1099
01:01:53,193 --> 01:01:55,343
Did you notice how he had
his hair done up like that?
1100
01:01:55,363 --> 01:01:56,503
Yeah. Looks good.
1101
01:01:56,523 --> 01:01:58,343
Just like mine.
Like he planned it for me.
1102
01:01:58,363 --> 01:02:00,003
Listen, let me tell you
something serious, huh?
1103
01:02:00,023 --> 01:02:01,343
You play your cards right...
1104
01:02:01,363 --> 01:02:03,003
you could be the next
Adidas man someday.
1105
01:02:03,033 --> 01:02:05,353
Lew, he had his hair hooked up
just like mine.
1106
01:02:05,373 --> 01:02:08,853
1:45--Walker receives
jacket from Landers.
1107
01:02:08,873 --> 01:02:10,053
Over and out.
1108
01:02:15,743 --> 01:02:18,963
I know I may talk 90%
of the time, Johnny...
1109
01:02:18,983 --> 01:02:22,593
but, believe me,
I only take 10% of the action.
1110
01:02:22,623 --> 01:02:25,443
- How you doing, Doc?
- Terrific, Lew, terrific.
1111
01:02:28,453 --> 01:02:30,773
- Lewie.
- Yeah?
1112
01:02:30,793 --> 01:02:33,223
My mother's medicine cabinet
was never like this.
1113
01:02:33,233 --> 01:02:36,453
Don't worry about it, Johnny.
You're not in Ashcroft anymore.
1114
01:02:36,463 --> 01:02:39,083
We use only the finest
steroids available.
1115
01:02:40,163 --> 01:02:43,223
We have only one mind-set
here at UCC...
1116
01:02:43,243 --> 01:02:45,093
and that is that
our boys are winners.
1117
01:02:45,113 --> 01:02:47,153
- Isn't that right, boys?
- Right!
1118
01:02:47,173 --> 01:02:50,063
I love these guys like my own
kids, and because of that...
1119
01:02:50,073 --> 01:02:52,623
I take better care of them
than their own mommies do.
1120
01:02:52,653 --> 01:02:55,333
- Isn't that right, boys?
- Right!
1121
01:02:55,353 --> 01:02:57,273
We have the best
training facilities...
1122
01:02:57,283 --> 01:02:59,273
in the country, Johnny,
college or pro.
1123
01:02:59,283 --> 01:03:00,603
Our men are appreciated...
1124
01:03:00,623 --> 01:03:03,013
for the fine pieces
of machinery that they are.
1125
01:03:03,033 --> 01:03:04,813
- What's up, Slick?
- Hey.
1126
01:03:04,833 --> 01:03:05,943
Does he play here?
1127
01:03:05,963 --> 01:03:07,573
No, he just pisses
for the players...
1128
01:03:07,593 --> 01:03:09,213
so they pass their drug tests.
1129
01:03:09,233 --> 01:03:11,443
- A designated pisser, huh?
- Yeah.
1130
01:03:11,463 --> 01:03:13,423
Let's get you some threads
for the party.
1131
01:03:13,443 --> 01:03:14,653
All right.
1132
01:03:14,673 --> 01:03:15,923
Lew, how tall are you?
1133
01:03:15,943 --> 01:03:16,953
About 5'8“.
1134
01:03:40,593 --> 01:03:43,223
Hi, I'm Tex Wade.
I'm looking for Johnny Walker.
1135
01:03:43,233 --> 01:03:46,453
Oh. Well, he hasn't got
back from UCC yet.
1136
01:03:46,473 --> 01:03:50,223
The hell's he doing at UCC?
Isn't he committed to Ol' Tex?
1137
01:03:50,233 --> 01:03:53,893
As far as I know, he hasn't
committed himself anywhere.
1138
01:03:53,913 --> 01:03:57,803
Well, I hate to be the one
to enlighten you, Grandpa...
1139
01:03:57,813 --> 01:03:59,733
but you did not get
that order...
1140
01:03:59,743 --> 01:04:01,993
for them 10,000
walleyed gibblers...
1141
01:04:02,013 --> 01:04:04,013
because they catch fish.
1142
01:04:06,093 --> 01:04:07,903
What are you saying, mister?
1143
01:04:07,923 --> 01:04:10,713
You figure it out, Grandpa.
1144
01:04:25,213 --> 01:04:26,893
Ah, it's good to be home.
1145
01:04:26,913 --> 01:04:28,553
Thanks, everybody. Thank you.
1146
01:04:30,273 --> 01:04:31,493
Thank you.
1147
01:04:31,513 --> 01:04:32,723
Hey, it's Johnny Walker.
1148
01:04:38,053 --> 01:04:39,163
Thank you.
1149
01:04:45,863 --> 01:04:47,513
This is a nice ride.
This is all right.
1150
01:04:47,533 --> 01:04:49,523
Where'd you get it, anyway?
My dad got it for me.
1151
01:04:49,533 --> 01:04:51,783
Kind of a graduation present
type thing.
1152
01:04:51,793 --> 01:04:54,923
I thought I knew
your father hated you.
1153
01:04:54,943 --> 01:04:57,523
Well, he used to,
but we're real tight now.
1154
01:04:57,543 --> 01:04:59,623
Just kind of
woke up one morning...
1155
01:04:59,643 --> 01:05:02,563
we had breakfast, and now,
you know, real solid.
1156
01:05:02,583 --> 01:05:03,973
Things are real good.
1157
01:05:03,983 --> 01:05:07,373
I look cleaner than
the board of health, don't I?
1158
01:05:07,383 --> 01:05:10,203
You kind of look like a combo--
1159
01:05:10,213 --> 01:05:13,273
Liberace meets Prince's mom.
But it's groovy.
1160
01:05:26,933 --> 01:05:28,483
Bye now.
1161
01:05:32,713 --> 01:05:34,163
What's happening, Chief?
1162
01:05:34,183 --> 01:05:38,003
Where did you finally decide
to go to college, clown school?
1163
01:05:38,013 --> 01:05:41,593
You know what you are, Chief?
You're an officer of love.
1164
01:05:41,613 --> 01:05:43,473
Not of law-of love, you are.
1165
01:05:51,693 --> 01:05:53,213
Do you dig it?
1166
01:05:54,533 --> 01:05:55,813
It's a look.
1167
01:06:24,963 --> 01:06:28,443
Mom, Mom,
Johnny's lost his mind!
1168
01:06:38,603 --> 01:06:40,223
What do you think?
1169
01:06:41,543 --> 01:06:43,693
Mom, I got to tell you
about this school.
1170
01:06:43,713 --> 01:06:48,103
UCC has a premed program--
absolutely blows Ol' Tex away.
1171
01:06:48,113 --> 01:06:50,903
Not even in the running anymore,
Ol' Tex, because you know why?
1172
01:06:50,913 --> 01:06:54,313
I'm gonna get about 3 times
the lab time I had at Ol' Tex.
1173
01:06:54,323 --> 01:06:57,543
Johnny,
what has happened to you?
1174
01:06:57,563 --> 01:06:59,743
Me? I'm great.
Don't I look great?
1175
01:06:59,763 --> 01:07:01,973
I feel great, Mom. I really do.
1176
01:07:01,993 --> 01:07:04,653
UCC is a football factory,
Johnny.
1177
01:07:04,673 --> 01:07:06,683
Only about half the players
there even graduate.
1178
01:07:06,703 --> 01:07:08,213
What about your education?
1179
01:07:09,233 --> 01:07:10,983
Ma, education? Please, OK?
1180
01:07:11,003 --> 01:07:13,363
Just, please,
step off with that, OK?
1181
01:07:13,383 --> 01:07:14,593
I want to tell you something.
1182
01:07:14,613 --> 01:07:16,363
I have a much better deal
here at UCC.
1183
01:07:16,383 --> 01:07:17,733
They're working out
a sweeter deal...
1184
01:07:17,743 --> 01:07:19,753
and they're gonna take
care of everything, guys.
1185
01:07:19,783 --> 01:07:22,603
The way Ol' Tex
took care of me?
1186
01:07:24,923 --> 01:07:28,033
Come on, look, everyone
looks nauseous here now.
1187
01:07:28,053 --> 01:07:31,173
I want to explain to you, OK?
UCC has a better deal for me.
1188
01:07:31,193 --> 01:07:35,123
They're going to hook us up.
Mom, you'll have a bigger house.
1189
01:07:35,133 --> 01:07:37,123
I don't want
a bigger house, Johnny.
1190
01:07:37,133 --> 01:07:38,983
I want you to stop
thinking about yourself...
1191
01:07:39,003 --> 01:07:40,483
and start thinking about
what's right...
1192
01:07:40,503 --> 01:07:43,293
and about your family.
We're the people who love you...
1193
01:07:43,313 --> 01:07:45,523
or maybe you've been
too busy Lear-jetting around...
1194
01:07:45,543 --> 01:07:46,693
to remember that.
1195
01:07:46,713 --> 01:07:50,293
I mean, look at you.
Purple and gold?
1196
01:07:50,313 --> 01:07:51,823
You look ridiculous.
1197
01:07:53,023 --> 01:07:56,533
I don't know how
this could've happened.
1198
01:07:56,553 --> 01:08:00,233
Maybe it was just too important
a decision to leave up to you.
1199
01:08:00,253 --> 01:08:03,483
Hey, Mom, wait a second.
Mom, can we--
1200
01:08:10,733 --> 01:08:12,583
Come on, Gramps.
Isn't this what you wanted?
1201
01:08:13,943 --> 01:08:18,723
I wanted to sell my lures,
not my grandson.
1202
01:08:18,743 --> 01:08:20,253
Come on.
1203
01:08:22,553 --> 01:08:24,233
Gramp.
1204
01:08:24,253 --> 01:08:25,603
Gramp.
1205
01:08:33,763 --> 01:08:36,143
What do you think, Randy?
Come on, what's up?
1206
01:08:36,163 --> 01:08:40,143
I'm going to go do my homework
and take a reality break.
1207
01:08:55,613 --> 01:08:57,693
Johnny, I've had a deep,
revelatory vision...
1208
01:08:57,713 --> 01:09:00,763
and I think you should drop this
ridiculous college ball thing.
1209
01:09:00,783 --> 01:09:02,063
And do what?
1210
01:09:02,093 --> 01:09:05,303
Become a professional waiter.
Develop a reputation...
1211
01:09:05,323 --> 01:09:07,903
as a bistro's
most courteous server.
1212
01:09:07,923 --> 01:09:09,843
And, of course,
you're waiting for one night...
1213
01:09:09,853 --> 01:09:11,713
when the manager's
relatives come in.
1214
01:09:11,723 --> 01:09:14,523
You seat them. You serve them.
You wine them. You dine them.
1215
01:09:14,533 --> 01:09:16,423
You read them the specials.
1216
01:09:16,433 --> 01:09:18,943
You take the last of their
orders, and then you say...
1217
01:09:18,963 --> 01:09:22,513
"Actually, it's the fish
or nothing!"
1218
01:09:22,543 --> 01:09:23,933
Of course, at this point...
1219
01:09:23,943 --> 01:09:25,363
they're all jamming
for the door like wild.
1220
01:09:25,373 --> 01:09:26,953
You tackle down around
the ankles.
1221
01:09:26,973 --> 01:09:29,223
You get them down on the ground.
You pound them in the spine.
1222
01:09:29,243 --> 01:09:30,963
You say,
"Are you trying to stiff me...
1223
01:09:30,973 --> 01:09:32,463
"on the gratuity, you fop?"
1224
01:09:32,483 --> 01:09:33,733
Right.
1225
01:09:33,753 --> 01:09:36,403
UCC is your only move
1226
01:09:36,423 --> 01:09:40,073
UCC is your evermost groove
1227
01:09:40,083 --> 01:09:42,633
Excuse me.
We're new in town...
1228
01:09:42,663 --> 01:09:45,053
and we've never had sex before.
1229
01:09:45,063 --> 01:09:46,953
Would you give us a hand?
1230
01:09:48,163 --> 01:09:49,173
Up.
1231
01:09:49,193 --> 01:09:51,053
Don't follow the dames.
1232
01:09:55,643 --> 01:09:58,593
Leo. Leo, turn--
I want to go home.
1233
01:09:58,603 --> 01:10:00,823
I started dating
this Nancy girl...
1234
01:10:00,843 --> 01:10:04,033
specifically because
she was a virgin.
1235
01:10:04,053 --> 01:10:07,803
Well, milliseconds before
initial penetration...
1236
01:10:07,813 --> 01:10:11,863
I just shot up in bed
like a reverse domino...
1237
01:10:11,883 --> 01:10:15,013
and I just said,
"Hey, there'll be none of this.
1238
01:10:15,023 --> 01:10:16,773
"What kind of boy
do you think I'm?
1239
01:10:16,793 --> 01:10:19,443
"I will hardly pop you
without having met your father.
1240
01:10:19,463 --> 01:10:21,383
"Get him on the horn."
1241
01:10:21,393 --> 01:10:25,623
The things that make life worth
so much and so worthwhile...
1242
01:10:25,633 --> 01:10:29,393
are things that we have to
look up at a lot of the time--
1243
01:10:29,403 --> 01:10:31,723
it's clouds, it's stars...
1244
01:10:31,733 --> 01:10:32,853
children.
1245
01:10:32,883 --> 01:10:34,593
"By the way, where is the can?
1246
01:10:34,613 --> 01:10:39,363
"I have to take an awful,
putrid asparagus piss."
1247
01:10:39,383 --> 01:10:41,133
He says, "Down the hall
to the left."
1248
01:10:41,143 --> 01:10:43,613
That just really ticked me off,
so I got up and I said...
1249
01:10:43,623 --> 01:10:46,083
"Just a goddamn minute.
That won't do."
1250
01:10:46,093 --> 01:10:48,013
I run right up
to the family drapes...
1251
01:10:48,023 --> 01:10:50,813
and proceed to write
my surname on them in urine.
1252
01:10:50,823 --> 01:10:52,873
Well, Mom bolts out
of the La-Z-Boy chair...
1253
01:10:52,903 --> 01:10:56,223
and comes over and delivers me
a flurry of slaps...
1254
01:10:56,233 --> 01:10:58,053
so I retaliate
with a series of blows...
1255
01:10:58,063 --> 01:11:00,813
to her midriff and midsection
that I usually reserve...
1256
01:11:00,833 --> 01:11:03,393
only for those times
when I actually do see red.
1257
01:11:03,413 --> 01:11:05,223
I'm a winner.
1258
01:11:05,243 --> 01:11:08,233
I'm, and so all these
big money men...
1259
01:11:08,243 --> 01:11:10,633
they're offering me this,
this, this, and this, you know?
1260
01:11:10,643 --> 01:11:13,773
Because I came home wearing,
like, heels and gold.
1261
01:11:13,783 --> 01:11:17,213
My mother sat me down and she
told me what the deal was...
1262
01:11:17,223 --> 01:11:19,933
you know, and spoke her mind,
and I've been acting crazy.
1263
01:11:19,953 --> 01:11:21,103
I really have.
1264
01:11:21,123 --> 01:11:23,843
Are you still conscious?
1265
01:11:23,863 --> 01:11:25,373
She's talking. Good.
1266
01:11:28,933 --> 01:11:30,943
Let her go. It's been an hour.
1267
01:11:30,963 --> 01:11:34,483
Look, I seem to have
lockjaw of the arm.
1268
01:11:39,643 --> 01:11:42,133
Love is a verb, and I wish...
1269
01:11:42,153 --> 01:11:44,903
I wish I'd just
get to it a lot more...
1270
01:11:44,913 --> 01:11:47,463
because I feel good when I do.
1271
01:11:47,483 --> 01:11:50,803
Say, are we going
to have sex or not?
1272
01:12:00,693 --> 01:12:01,803
Rape!
1273
01:12:01,823 --> 01:12:03,223
Rape!
1274
01:12:06,503 --> 01:12:07,853
Put your top on!
1275
01:12:10,003 --> 01:12:11,253
Freeze, assholes!
1276
01:12:12,243 --> 01:12:15,033
- This is too good to be true.
- For who?
1277
01:12:16,043 --> 01:12:19,003
You're going
to the joint forever.
1278
01:12:20,643 --> 01:12:22,693
What are you looking at,
weirdo?
1279
01:12:22,723 --> 01:12:23,763
Ouch.
1280
01:12:28,393 --> 01:12:29,903
We got to get out of here.
1281
01:12:31,223 --> 01:12:33,723
Look, Lew Landers
can get us out of here, right?
1282
01:12:33,733 --> 01:12:38,593
- But then you got to go to UCC.
- Wait a minute.
1283
01:12:38,603 --> 01:12:40,023
You know Lew Landers?
1284
01:12:41,133 --> 01:12:43,493
Of course. You think my dad
bought me that Jeep?
1285
01:12:43,513 --> 01:12:45,723
Are you kidding?
Lew Landers bought me the jeep.
1286
01:12:45,743 --> 01:12:49,203
UCC got it for me to try to get
you to go to their school.
1287
01:12:52,183 --> 01:12:55,473
- You set me up?
- No, I didn't set you up.
1288
01:12:55,483 --> 01:12:57,203
I just pushed you
in a direction...
1289
01:12:57,223 --> 01:12:59,763
trying to do
the right thing for you.
1290
01:12:59,783 --> 01:13:01,203
You set me up.
You didn't tell me.
1291
01:13:01,223 --> 01:13:03,883
If I told you, you would've
said no, and then...
1292
01:13:03,893 --> 01:13:05,443
well, then, it still wouldn't
have been setting you up.
1293
01:13:05,463 --> 01:13:06,973
I just, you know...
1294
01:13:08,633 --> 01:13:10,053
I just made a mistake.
1295
01:13:10,063 --> 01:13:11,883
I got...
1296
01:13:14,203 --> 01:13:15,563
selfish.
1297
01:13:18,003 --> 01:13:19,223
Me, too.
1298
01:13:27,813 --> 01:13:30,603
Oh, this is terrible.
This is awful.
1299
01:13:30,613 --> 01:13:32,903
This is really awful.
1300
01:13:32,923 --> 01:13:35,143
This is a serious mess.
1301
01:13:35,163 --> 01:13:37,413
Does the phrase
"Bail us out immediately"...
1302
01:13:37,423 --> 01:13:38,673
mean anything to you?
1303
01:13:38,693 --> 01:13:39,773
Bail?
1304
01:13:41,093 --> 01:13:42,203
There's your bail.
1305
01:13:42,233 --> 01:13:45,223
That's your ticket
out of here right there.
1306
01:13:45,233 --> 01:13:47,223
All he has to do
is sign with Fiermont--
1307
01:13:47,233 --> 01:13:48,413
you're on the street.
1308
01:13:48,433 --> 01:13:50,153
Otherwise, boys...
1309
01:13:50,173 --> 01:13:52,163
you're looking at twenty years
in the slammer...
1310
01:13:52,183 --> 01:13:53,823
with all the butt pirates.
1311
01:13:53,843 --> 01:13:56,063
And they say they're waiting
for you up there, Johnny...
1312
01:13:56,083 --> 01:13:59,403
want to give you a little
hiney poke up there.
1313
01:13:59,413 --> 01:14:01,233
Coach, I know I'm a man, OK?
1314
01:14:01,243 --> 01:14:02,863
My asshole is exit only...
1315
01:14:02,893 --> 01:14:05,573
and we really didn't do
anything wrong.
1316
01:14:05,593 --> 01:14:06,903
You want sympathy, Leo...
1317
01:14:06,923 --> 01:14:10,573
you look between "shit" and
"syphilis" in the dictionary.
1318
01:14:10,593 --> 01:14:12,873
No, no, you're gonna like it.
You're going to love it...
1319
01:14:12,903 --> 01:14:15,853
on the road gang, out there with
the cons cutting that grass.
1320
01:14:15,863 --> 01:14:16,853
Oh, yeah.
1321
01:14:16,863 --> 01:14:18,783
Boom. Boom.
1322
01:14:18,803 --> 01:14:21,123
All the pretty girls will be
going by in convertibles...
1323
01:14:21,133 --> 01:14:24,153
on spring break, drinking beer.
1324
01:14:24,173 --> 01:14:27,603
They'll be waving at you.
"Hi, Johnny. Johnny!"
1325
01:14:28,573 --> 01:14:30,083
It's up to you, John.
1326
01:14:30,113 --> 01:14:33,043
Put your foot
in the chain gang...
1327
01:14:33,053 --> 01:14:35,773
or you can put your foot
in the cash register.
1328
01:14:36,883 --> 01:14:39,173
You let me know.
1329
01:14:41,153 --> 01:14:43,163
Don't drop the soap, boys.
1330
01:14:47,933 --> 01:14:49,883
Hello, everyone.
I'm Gary DeLaune.
1331
01:14:49,893 --> 01:14:51,883
Today, throughout the country,
hundreds of boys...
1332
01:14:51,893 --> 01:14:53,983
will be signing their national
letters of intent.
1333
01:14:54,003 --> 01:14:56,583
These letters are commitments
by high school seniors...
1334
01:14:56,603 --> 01:14:58,423
to play for the college
of their choice.
1335
01:14:58,443 --> 01:15:00,553
Today, there's no place
across the country...
1336
01:15:00,573 --> 01:15:02,723
that has more media coverage
and more attention...
1337
01:15:02,753 --> 01:15:04,463
than right here--
Ashcroft High School.
1338
01:15:04,483 --> 01:15:06,063
We're here at Ashcroft
High School.
1339
01:15:06,083 --> 01:15:07,233
It's signing day.
1340
01:15:07,253 --> 01:15:09,333
Now, Johnny Walker
has just arrived...
1341
01:15:09,353 --> 01:15:11,343
to sign his national
letter of intent.
1342
01:15:11,353 --> 01:15:13,133
In just a very few
short moments...
1343
01:15:13,163 --> 01:15:15,513
the entire country will know
where Johnny Walker...
1344
01:15:15,523 --> 01:15:18,213
has decided to play
his college football.
1345
01:15:18,223 --> 01:15:21,343
Glad to see you boys could
be here for the announcement.
1346
01:15:21,363 --> 01:15:23,653
I sure hope none of us
are disappointed.
1347
01:15:23,673 --> 01:15:26,993
Something sure
don't smell right here.
1348
01:15:30,273 --> 01:15:32,283
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
1349
01:15:32,313 --> 01:15:35,823
I'm very happy to have been
asked, ladies and gentlemen...
1350
01:15:35,843 --> 01:15:37,993
to introduce Johnny Walker
here today.
1351
01:15:38,013 --> 01:15:42,063
And I'm so happy
to announce...
1352
01:15:42,083 --> 01:15:45,243
that John and I are going to be
together for another four years.
1353
01:15:45,253 --> 01:15:48,273
I'm the new head coach
at Piermont University.
1354
01:15:50,623 --> 01:15:52,703
But, you know, what really
makes me proud...
1355
01:15:52,733 --> 01:15:54,913
is that John could've gone
anywhere in America...
1356
01:15:54,933 --> 01:15:56,713
and he chose to be with me.
1357
01:15:56,733 --> 01:15:57,983
Now, we've also landed...
1358
01:15:58,003 --> 01:16:01,423
four of the top blue-chip
prospects in this country...
1359
01:16:01,433 --> 01:16:03,553
and they're all here today.
Come on up, fellas.
1360
01:16:06,743 --> 01:16:08,893
You need a haircut.
1361
01:16:08,913 --> 01:16:10,423
All right.
1362
01:16:12,253 --> 01:16:13,933
This is not about me.
1363
01:16:13,953 --> 01:16:16,463
I'm only as good
as my players, believe me.
1364
01:16:16,483 --> 01:16:17,973
Ladies and gentlemen,
let me introduce...
1365
01:16:17,983 --> 01:16:19,993
the man of the hour,
Johnny Walker.
1366
01:16:35,543 --> 01:16:36,853
'Iay! 'lay!
1367
01:16:38,873 --> 01:16:40,653
Throughout this recruitment...
1368
01:16:41,873 --> 01:16:44,703
I've acted like an idiot.
1369
01:16:44,713 --> 01:16:46,963
I completely embarrassed
my mother...
1370
01:16:46,983 --> 01:16:49,273
my family, my girlfriend...
1371
01:16:49,283 --> 01:16:51,533
my friends.
1372
01:16:51,553 --> 01:16:54,073
Mostly, I just
embarrassed myself...
1373
01:16:56,323 --> 01:17:00,683
because I thought
I had something, and I lost it.
1374
01:17:00,693 --> 01:17:04,493
And if this is what it takes
to play college football...
1375
01:17:04,503 --> 01:17:08,293
then I don't even want
to play at all.
1376
01:17:08,303 --> 01:17:13,833
Just because I know how
to remember to throw a ball...
1377
01:17:13,843 --> 01:17:19,863
doesn't mean I should forget
my life or anyone else's.
1378
01:17:21,183 --> 01:17:24,843
Therefore, I'm not going to sign
any letters to any schools.
1379
01:17:24,853 --> 01:17:27,433
Now, that's reality.
1380
01:17:27,453 --> 01:17:29,033
Thank you.
1381
01:17:29,053 --> 01:17:31,703
You listen to me.
You are going to Piermont.
1382
01:17:31,723 --> 01:17:34,193
- No, I'm not.
- If he doesn't go, I don't go.
1383
01:17:34,203 --> 01:17:36,313
- I'm with him.
- Wait a minute, fellas.
1384
01:17:36,333 --> 01:17:37,513
Hold on, fellas.
1385
01:17:37,533 --> 01:17:39,713
Piermont University
will honor all its commitments.
1386
01:17:39,733 --> 01:17:40,953
Now, I promise you that.
1387
01:17:40,963 --> 01:17:43,193
Slight misunderstanding,
ladies and gentlemen.
1388
01:17:43,213 --> 01:17:44,463
Bear with us.
1389
01:17:44,473 --> 01:17:45,483
Who are you?
1390
01:17:45,513 --> 01:17:47,553
My name is Floyd Gondole.
1391
01:17:47,573 --> 01:17:50,593
I'm the NCAA recruitment
investigator...
1392
01:17:50,613 --> 01:17:51,923
and I have followed...
1393
01:17:51,943 --> 01:17:55,413
the recruitment of Johnny Walker
since day one...
1394
01:17:55,423 --> 01:17:58,633
and I'm now calling
for a complete investigation...
1395
01:17:58,653 --> 01:18:01,043
of UCC, Ol' TeX...
1396
01:18:01,053 --> 01:18:04,023
and, specifically, Piermont.
1397
01:18:04,033 --> 01:18:05,413
We didn't do anything wrong.
1398
01:18:05,433 --> 01:18:08,683
You call framing a kid
for rape not wrong?
1399
01:18:08,693 --> 01:18:10,653
You mean you framed
the kid for rape?
1400
01:18:10,663 --> 01:18:12,623
You're both history.
You're both finished.
1401
01:18:12,643 --> 01:18:13,683
Oh, this is ridiculous.
1402
01:18:13,703 --> 01:18:15,563
Congratulations, John.
I'm proud of you.
1403
01:18:15,573 --> 01:18:17,153
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is...
1404
01:18:17,173 --> 01:18:18,853
You did good.
I'm proud of you.
1405
01:18:18,873 --> 01:18:22,293
Hey, Johnny, I'm proud of you.
You did good, kid.
1406
01:18:22,313 --> 01:18:24,363
So, what are you going
to do now, huh?
1407
01:18:24,383 --> 01:18:26,843
Penn State, Johnny!
Penn State! Penn State!
1408
01:18:26,853 --> 01:18:29,273
Alabama! Remember the weather!
1409
01:18:29,283 --> 01:18:31,463
Listen, Johnny, nobody--
and I mean nobody--
1410
01:18:31,483 --> 01:18:33,213
makes a schmuck
out of me, capisce?
1411
01:18:33,223 --> 01:18:34,613
Nobody has to, Lew.
1412
01:18:34,623 --> 01:18:35,773
Is that right?
1413
01:18:36,923 --> 01:18:38,543
You're going down now, Lew.
1414
01:18:38,563 --> 01:18:40,573
Oh, you done made
a big mistake.
1415
01:18:44,133 --> 01:18:45,753
No pictures!
1416
01:18:50,903 --> 01:18:53,963
Title fight.
Hey, wish I could help.
1417
01:19:11,393 --> 01:19:12,573
Thank you, my friend.
1418
01:19:12,603 --> 01:19:14,243
Good move, man.
1419
01:19:16,063 --> 01:19:17,753
Let's get out of here.
1420
01:19:20,903 --> 01:19:22,323
Get back here, Walker!
1421
01:19:22,343 --> 01:19:24,563
Get out of my way!
Walker, get back here!
1422
01:19:27,543 --> 01:19:28,863
Get down, Gramp.
1423
01:19:28,873 --> 01:19:30,333
Never did like that fella.
1424
01:19:43,833 --> 01:19:46,283
Coach. Coach.
1425
01:20:03,413 --> 01:20:04,493
Coach?
1426
01:20:07,813 --> 01:20:09,323
I want an education.
1427
01:20:12,053 --> 01:20:14,443
I saw the news conference
last night, Johnny.
1428
01:20:14,463 --> 01:20:17,003
Yeah?
1429
01:20:19,293 --> 01:20:21,143
What'd you think?
1430
01:20:21,163 --> 01:20:23,853
You showed
the type of character...
1431
01:20:23,873 --> 01:20:25,953
that we like in our students.
1432
01:20:25,973 --> 01:20:27,323
I like that.
1433
01:20:28,733 --> 01:20:32,163
Does this mean...
1434
01:20:32,183 --> 01:20:34,193
you want me
to come play ball here?
1435
01:20:37,743 --> 01:20:39,703
You bet I do.
1436
01:21:52,823 --> 01:21:57,183
The Johnny Walker recruitment
scandal widened today...
1437
01:21:57,193 --> 01:22:00,873
with the announcement
that UCC and Ol' Tex...
1438
01:22:00,893 --> 01:22:04,483
have each been placed
on one-year probation.
1439
01:22:04,503 --> 01:22:06,513
Well, Joe Bob, thank God...
1440
01:22:06,533 --> 01:22:08,993
basketball season's
right around the corner.
1441
01:22:09,003 --> 01:22:11,113
Yeah, amen to that, Tex.
1442
01:22:11,133 --> 01:22:14,763
You know, football ain't been
good to us this year at all.
1443
01:22:20,243 --> 01:22:22,863
In a still further
development...
1444
01:22:22,893 --> 01:22:27,643
Lew Landers has been barred
from participating...
1445
01:22:27,653 --> 01:22:31,473
in the UCC football program
for life.
1446
01:22:31,493 --> 01:22:34,153
You have one "F"?
We'll take care of it for you.
1447
01:22:35,403 --> 01:22:37,653
Hey, slow down for a minute!
I just want to talk to you!
1448
01:22:37,733 --> 01:22:40,023
Lew Landers gave me that jeep!
1449
01:22:52,883 --> 01:22:56,203
This is a pack of lies!
A pack of lies!
1450
01:22:56,223 --> 01:22:59,103
I know what I did.
1451
01:22:59,123 --> 01:23:00,103
No, no.
1452
01:23:00,123 --> 01:23:02,043
I hired a common idiot!
1453
01:23:02,063 --> 01:23:03,413
A common idiot!
1454
01:23:03,433 --> 01:23:04,683
Get the hell away from me!